Who Gets the Family Bible?

by rickytornado on Jun 10, 2010 10:45 AM CDT

We're calling it official. Tom Osborne and his NU Cornhuskers will click "attend" on the Big Ten's Evite this Friday.

Nebraska says "Attending"

I've got a bag full of mixed emotions right now. I guess I'd say it's like being 24 years old and your parents decide to get a divorce. Fond memories and nostaligia of the passive-aggressive "happy home" you thought you had as a child cloud your head. Then again, what do you care? You're living on credit cards and leased Rovers about to visit ASU on gameday and slay some quality Sun Devil quiff. Please indulge my therapy here...

Back in 1996, I was a professor/student/resident lothario at Oklahoma State University (the Yale of Aggie Schools, so I've been told). Being part of such an elite assembly of academia, I attended many intellectual functions where issues of the day were passionately dissected while we gnoshed on fine wines and cheeses.

Professor Goodwin of the OSU English Dept. enjoying his '92 Chardonnay

One of these particular functions was the cleverly themed "BIG 12 Function" - a classic study in how many people could pack into a parking lot behind Eskimo Joe's while some shittyly sounding crossover of Toad the Wet Sprocket meets Lisa Loeb played to the local masses and lots of copper tasting, well- aged (actually waaay over-aged) beer was tossed into mouths and subsequently regurgitated back onto the pavement.

It was here that guys met their future wives (even for just a night), and girls paraded their fashionable t-shirt/jorts/keds ensembles. It was magical. It was the Inauguration of the Big 12. A super conference that would reap national championships, host the first Overtime in NCAA football history, see two teams in the Final Four at the same time and other crazy shit I don't have time nor energy to remember . It was what we knew. It's all we ever knew.

I'm sure that those old hags who still wax fondly on the Big 8 and SWC would tell me to wipe my tears with the dirty diaper I'm wearing, but they don't know shit, because they're irrelevant. I only speak for the publishers of this esteemed website and those who share our age and tax brackets (the latter you guys will never be able to touch). We were there for the kickoff and all the excitement, heartbreak and pure entertainment this conference would provide for the last 14 years. And now, it's over. Tom Osborne has divorced our mom.

Oh well... I guess we'll just settle for road trips to ASU and making new memories with this:

"My Next Girl Will Be Nothing Like My Ex-Girl"

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Some perspective from a guy who is getting the boot from his relationship of several years and has already, as of 7:30pm, probably, had too much to drink:

I have been watching this Big12 thing passively for weeks now as it has coincided with a personal life that is also on the brink of collapse. But my losses can, if nothing else, provide some perspective of the “Big12 Breakup”. Some advice I would give is that OSU just needs to realize how much of a baddasss it is and go out there and nail every team it sees right into the ground. I’m serious, OSU has a lot of good things going for it; an attractive, brand new stadium, people like OSU, and OSU is now consistently performing on a level that it has never performed on before. And let’s face it, this Big12 thing never really hit the ground running from the onset. She (the Big12) started off promising OSU a good future with a long life ahead and that she would love you and never leave you forever, but we all know how conferences can be duplicitous. OSU just needs to see that there will always be other conferences, better conferences, as there will always be fish in the sea. OSU needs to understand that it will learn to love whatever new conference comes along as much as it used to love the Big 12 (My ex).

It is weird how synchronicity can envelop into your life this way. Thank you for reading my catharsis; I must now go and burn some pictures of happier times in Cornhusker stadium. 45-14 CornBitches! GO POKES!

by yachof smirnof on Jun 11, 2010 8:08 PM CDT reply actions