Big 12 Rankings

Its that time again, time to hate on 11 teams in one post. Some say it takes talent, some say it takes skill, but really it just takes alcohol. Anyway, here we go.


"Does he have power without his fro? (But really though, it was getting pretty nappy)"


1: Missouri (3-0, 7-0)

Well, it was fun watching OU choke hard. Unfortunately that means Mizzou is pretty decent this year, even without a running back. If they can get past the Huskers this weekend (which should be much easier since the Big 12 suspended 13th string linebacker Eric Martin. Obviously this is a conspiracy, since the hit he put on Andrew Hudson was totally legal, no way he lead with his head) they really dont have much else standing between them and the Big 12 CG. Maybe Iowa St., but probably not. I would also like to throw out a big HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to the 30 students arrested after storming the field. That will teach those bastards to trespass.

2: Nebraska (2-1, 6-1)

Well, the cheap shot laying Huskers have a big game this weekend. One they will probably lose. Apparently some think that Martin being suspended was a Dan Beebe conspiracy, that Justin Blackmon is an assassin with a truck, and that losing their 37th string linebacker hitman for a game will enrage the team, and they will come out swinging. I don't know if they will need Martin against Missouri, unless Blaine Gabbert starts playing on kickoff coverage. Luckily I only have to include them in my rankings for a few more weeks, then they are off to the Big 10 and its awesome academics.

Everybody else after the jump:

3: Baylor (3-1, 6-2)

I consider this a temporary stop, considering they still have to play us, OU, and Texas, but hey, they're first in the Big 12 south. And, most importantly THEY'RE GOING BOWLING!! But really, nobody gives a shit outside of Waco (and only like 40 people care there). There is a solid chance they finish the season 0-4, but hey, after 20+ years, the Shreveport Tampax bowl starts to sound pretty sweet. I hope they enjoy it though, been a while.

4: Oklahoma (2-1, 6-1)

The only positive you can spin from that craphole of a game was that it was on the road. Landry Jones is the same player he was a year ago, makes terrible decisions, and gets happy feet way to quick. It was also the worst coaching job Stoops has ever thrown out there, and thats saying something. This, the genius who let USC beat them by about 2000, let Tim Tebow run at will, and let Utah State in it til the end. But, they have hope in Norman, as Mack Brown is not their coach.

5: Oklahoma State (2-1, 6-1)

Been a shitty week for the Chosen One's. First, how the fuck was Tracey Moore not driving? I hope he does the honorable thing and throws himself on his sword. Second, 3 players thought this was a good idea, which means (revelation here) that college students are indeed retarded. Either way, we should beat KSU if we just run Hunter, Randall, and Smith all day, I think we could probably not throw a pass and run for 500 yards. Either way, the game is on FSN and I have Direct TV so I'll be screwed and enjoying the Hunziker special this weekend (and yes, I know Buffalo Wild Wings has the game, but I'll spend like 2 hundo there) I think the weirdest thing about this year is that I think we have a better chance of winning 10 or 11 games this year than we did last year. So long as we handle the state's of Kansas and Texas.

6: Iowa State (2-2, 4-4)

What kind of fucked up world do we live in where Baylor and Iowa State are in the top half of the league, and Texas/Texas A&M/Texas Tech are not? A great world, thats what kind. Good to see some changes in this league. But, I suspect Iowa State will ride to a 2-2 finish, with games against Kansas and Colorado (win and win) and Nebraska and Missouri (lose and lose). But hey, 6-6 a doth a bowl make.

7: Kansas State (2-2, 5-2)

The Wildcats have a better record than the cyclones, but they didn't beat Texas (though I'm sure they will). I assume the dry cleaning business in Manhattan is doing well this week, considering the massive pants shit when word hit that Justin Blackmon got popped by the police. Guess I'll just stock up on Makers Mark and Moose Head for Saturday.

8: Texas Tech (2-3, 4-3)

I was going to put Texas here, but they also lost to Iowa State, but they lost at home, at least Tech was on the road. Things do not look good coming up for Tech, with a 3 week stretch of A&M, OU, and Missouri, but after that they should be golden, finishing the season with perennial powerhouses Weber State and Houston. 

9: Texas (2-2, 4-3)

I don't know if Muschamp can say "fuck" enough times to turn this thing around. Texas fans want Mack to retire, to crucify Greg Davis, make Nick Saban the coach (sorry Texas, he won't leave for you). I do know we may see Colt McCoy's little brother in the game against us, unless Garret Gilbert stops sucking (he wont). Also, if you're not reading the Bama Meltdown thread every Tuesday, you're missing out. Texas fans took vulgarity to a new, disgusting level (how I like it), and took the meltdown crown from LSU (not an easy feat)

10: Texas A&M (1-2, 4-3)

Every Texas team except Baylor and TCU have 3 losses, and that amuses me. We beat half of Texas so far, and I would love to see the other half fall this year. But as far at A&M goes, they have the single greatest collection of talent the world has ever seen, and its insane they had to bench Jerrod Johnson just to make a point to the team. But really, they suck and still wont fire Sherman.

11: Colorado (0-3, 3-4)


"Why has this photo been hidden from the world? Look at the power, brother"



Another person who should throw them self on a sword is Dan Hawkins. Really, Colorado has some players, and it takes an amazing amount of suck to coach them down this far. I will miss him next year though, he's an asshole (like me) but he's a walking sound bite.

12: Kansas (0-3, 2-5)

The only thing left to say is we better beat them. And, I wonder if they miss Mangino the Hutt yet?

As always, let me know where I'm wrong (but I'm not) or why you hate me (I like that one better)

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