Another week, another Cowboy demon exorcised. I love it. This week i'd like to keep one deamon though, the one that prevents Baylor from beating us. Last week we saw Missouri shit the bed, OU dump on a Colorado team that is hell bent on taking last place from Kansas, (but Kansas will have none of it), and Baylor beat Texas at home. The Miyans were right, the fucking world is ending. But, not before I get a few more weeks of ranking the Big 12, and hating on 11 of them.
1: Baylor (4-1, 7-2)
Someone, somewhere, has way too much time on their hands
My god in Heaven, Baylor is first. Though I still believe this to be a temporary spot (until Saturday, to be exact), the Bears are having an awesome season. A win or two more, and they will get a pretty good bowl, 3 more and they win the Big 12 south. I was going to put Nebraska here, but Baylor beat Texas at home, who beat Nebraska at home, who beat Missouri at home, but Baylor didn't play Missouri so that's irrelivant. Crazy thought of the day; If BeBe's kids had beaten Tech, they would be undefeated in conference play. So get rowdy this weak you crazy Baptists (perhaps even a sip of wine and a dance party), cause the fun ends in the Boone Bowl Saturday.
2: Nebraska (3-1, 7-1)
Well, I guess either Nebraska is good and I should stop hating, or Missouri and OU are way over-rated and Nebraska still sucks. Guess what I think? Nebraska sucks and OU and Missouri are way over-rated. They lost to Texas at home, hell Baylor beat Texas in Austin. But they do lead the Big 12 north. So they can enjoy being better than Colorado, Kansas, and Kansas State. Big accomplishment. Have they left yet?
More fun after the jizump
3: Oklahoma (3-1, 7-1)
Good job OU, you beat Colorado. So did Texas Tech, and ask them how they consider their season so far. Their offense leaves something to be desired, like, skill. They can put up numbers at home, but suck on the road. They have a decent defense, at home. Sense a pattern here? I have never seen a team as bipolar. So I'm glad we have them at home.
4: Oklahoma State (3-1, 7-1)
Look at that picture and try to not get wood. You cant.
I believe the word of the Big 12 this year is parity. Nobody is much better than anybody else. I could see anyone in the top 6 beating anyone else in the top 6. Which is why I have a good feeling about the rest of this year. Texas is imploding, Kansas is a smoldering pile of burnt corpses, Baylor is still BeBe's kids, and OU is at home. I officially consider this season a bust if we can't hit 10 wins.
5: Missouri (3-1, 7-1)
At least Missouri fans can enjoy this
God there is a clusterfuck of 7-1 teams in this league. Why did Ole' Mizzou get dropped to 5th? Nebraska beat Missouri like the neighbors dog, and Missouri appeared to enjoy it. I don't know what more to say. Their fan's got all uppity that Cincy and Sam said their running backs sucked the big one, but it eventually cost them. Whats that sound? Roy Helu running for another first down.
6: Iowa State (3-2, 5-4)
As it would turn out, Clone Chronicles doesn't like us. So I say fuck them. Paul Rhoads would suck a hobo's dick to have Kendall Hunter, and even he knows its true. They have a good chance of making a bowl this year, though, if they can manage one more W. But, with games at Colorado and vs Missouri and Nebraska, 5-7 is a possibility. So suck on that, ISU.
7: Texas A&M (2-2, 5-3)
What??? Tell me I'm hearing this wrong- The best quarterback in the Big 12 is riding the pine while the backup wins games? Bullshit. The team must have realized that they were all going to look shitty compared to Jerrod Johnson and conspired to make him look bad. Now I know why the single greatest WR and RB core, and the most dominate defense since some of the Bears teams at Alabama are 5-3. Only reason, since their talent level is superior to the rest of the Big 12, and its not even close. So enjoy the Insight bowl (wait, that's where we'll be, thanks for reminding me Clone Chronicles)
8: Kansas State (2-3, 5-3)
Well, the Wildcats offense is not very good. Daniel Thomas is not on the level of Kendall Hunter. And compared to Chase Coffman, Brandon Weeden runs like Usain Bolt. And that's why we got the W in Manhattan. And that's why I'm predicting the 'Cats go from the little apple, to Brooklyn for the Yankee bowl. I hope they enjoy snow.
9: Texas (2-3, 4-4)
Are we sure he doesn't have another year of eligibility.
Has Greg Davis committed seppuku yet? If he doesn't before we beat them, the fans my draw and quarter him after the game. And, Texas fans, Will Muschamp is a prick. Really.
10: Texas Tech (2-4, 4-4)
And lo, the skies fell and the seas boiled, and day was as night. And from the cracked earth rose the sign of our doom, the Tubberville was nigh.
The curse of Mike Leach strikes hard and with great fury. To Tech fans, Tommy Tubberville, Neil Brown, James Willis, and Taylor Potts are the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. Except they have turned their fury inward. Will Tech make a bowl? If 6-6 will do it, then sure. Otherwise, nope.
11: Colorado (0-4, 3-5)
Cody: "Dad, I suck at football"
Dan: "Go play intermurals brother"
Every week I keep wondering why Dan Hawkins hasn't jumped from the top of the stadium. That's the same question Colorado fans have been asking for 3 years.
12: Kansas (0-4, 2-6)
Only one picture needed to sum up their season.
SWIM MOTHERFUCKER, SWIIIIIIMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!
But Kansas can't swim.
Now, a new feature. Possible Bowl locations
Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma State vs Boise State (yeah, I think we'll win the conference. What of it?)
Cotton Bowl: Nebraska vs Alabama
Holiday Bowl: Oklahoma vs Arizon
Alamo Bowl: Missouri vs Oregon State
Sun Bowl: Baylor vs North Carolina State
Insight Bowl: Texas A&M vs Penn State
New Era Pinstripe Bowl: Kansas State vs West Virginia
Texas Bowl: Texas vs Northwestern
As always, tell me why I'm wrong, why you hate me, or bask as i pluralize words once though to be singular.