COUCH BURNING ORDINANCES OF THE BIG12: A Handy Guide Of City Fire Codes For West Virginia Fans
by Yachoffsmirnoff on Oct 27, 2011 12:00 AM CDT
in Enhance Your Experience
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As you may now know, the students of West Virginia University have a tradition of setting couches alight after major victories. Or, major losses. Or, because it's Thursday.
It is unknown to CRFF if traveling Mountaineers have ever burned a couch while visiting an opposing teams city, but since Couch Burning now comes with an arson charge in Morgantown, WV fans may want to branch out to towns in the Big12 with less stringent burn laws. Here is a guide to all our cities' applicable fire codes for your convenience, our new 4-state away, 1000-mile separated, neighbors!
Stillwater, OK:
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes!
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush
Special Conditions: Wind to be at no more than 5mph, Person controlling fire must be present and provide own shovels, water hoses, etc.,
Fine? $200
Norman, OK:
Allowed In City With Permit? Yes!, as long as it does not create a "public nuisance."
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush
Special Conditions: 150 feet from any building, No burning before 3 hours after sunrise, and 3 hours before sunset.
Fine? Not less than $50 and no more than $750
(Jump, Drop the Banjo, and Pick Up the Lighter Fluid)
Austin, TX
Allowed in City With Permit? No.
But LOOPHOLE ALERT: You can claim the couch burning is a part of a "Public Assembly" such as a religious or political demonstration.
Special Conditions: WV fans will have to hold the couch upright in their hands as if it were a candle. It’s all very technical.
What Can Be Burned? Anything that can be held in your hands while burning.
Fine? $250
Fort Worth, TX:
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes! Or no... Maybe?
What Can Be Burned? Anything, as long as you have the right lawyer...
Special Conditions: Too esoteric and dense to list here....
Fine? Not to exceed $2,000.
Lubbock, TX
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes! For $350!
What Can Be Burning? Wood, Brush, A Case of the Clap Caught From a TT Co-ed.
LOONEY LUBBOCK LAWS!!!: It is against the law to smoke in a hotel or motel bed while in Lubbock. It would be a shame to burn down that fine Motel 6 collection they have going there, too.
Fine? Not to exceed $2,000
Waco, TX:
Allowed in City With Permit? Only if the ATF, the FBI, and Janet Reno are involved.
What can be burned? Wood, Brush, 7th Day Adventists
Special Conditions: Must remain inside your home for 50 days, praying and cleaning your arsenal of automatic weapons, while listening to Nancy Sinatra music on military-grade loudspeakers FULL BLAST. Only then will the ATF, FBI, and Janet Reno let you know it’s time to start burning.
Lame/Offensive Branch Davidian Joke Quota Exceeded For Baylor Match-Up This Weekend? Check!
Ames, IA
Allowed in City With Permit? No.
What Can Be Burned? Nothing.
DID YOU KNOW?... That despite their strict fire ordinances, you can’t spell ‘ISU football is again, this season, going down in flames’, without A-M-E-S? IT’S TRUE
Fine? $500 for first offenders, $750 for any subsequent violation.
Lawrence, KS
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes!
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush, Memorial Stadium for all the Jayhawks care.
Fine? No less than $500, and no more than $2,500.
Manhattan, KS:
Allowed in City With Permit?Yes!
What Can Be Burned: Wood, Brush, Pictures of Ron Prince
Fine? $500
Special Conditions: Bill Snyder Says: "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT COUCH FIRES"
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Lame/Offensive Branch Davidian Joke Quota Exceeded For Baylor Match-Up This Weekend? Check!
is why i love this site!
GO Pokes!
We’ll just keep ol’ P.D. in our pocket for basketball season..too much?..
This is hilarious!
Rec’d by a Husker fan.
They're 18 to 22...how perfect were you at that age?
The Power of Red begins with the Passion of Walk-Ons.
Excellent work Yachoff...
If Snyder prevents forest fires, Briles creates them.
Oklahoma State on SB Nation
www.cowboysrideforfree.com
Thank you for the guide.
Hopefully I actually get to use it at some point…
www.smokingmusket.com
@CountryRoadsWV
Ok I googled it and found nothing more than WV fans burn couches a lot and it is now a felony in morgantown
What is the story behind the couch burning? Why couches?
For what it's worth...
by Something Witty on Oct 27, 2011 8:55 AM CDT up reply actions
I assume you’ve spent time at osu as a student. Did you ever see the houses with couches on the porch? Usually dirty, smells like piss, and vomit stained. What better way to get rid of it than get liquored up and light that fucker on fire.
Cowboys Ride For Free, the best Oklahoma State blog on the net (and also the drunkest)
by AUKingOState on Oct 27, 2011 9:09 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
I get the appeal
Sounds fun, and in the right circumstances I might do it myself, but how did it go from one couch getting burned one time for drunken fun to this phenomenon in WV?
For what it's worth...
by Something Witty on Oct 27, 2011 10:46 AM CDT up reply actions
This sounds like an excellent opportunity
for the used furniture stores if/when the mountaineers come to town. Or I guess they may bring their own Beverly Hillbilly style
Does this mean OU can fine the TT Off. Coord. for setting Gabe Lynn on fire?
Seriously, the dude turned into the friggin’ human torch on Saturday
/still sad
I have history of being charged of disobeying a fireman
and I was found not guilty by a jury of my peers! Take that Stillwater City Attorney!
by Upgrayedd on Oct 27, 2011 11:56 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
I hate you for the line about ISU...
And yet, I laughed.
Bravo, sir.
USC knockoff uniforms, none of the results (including probation)
Wide Right & Natty Lite | @widertnattylt
I'm considering
Printing and framing that bill Snyder pic.
by samuelbryant on Oct 27, 2011 12:47 PM CDT via iPhone app reply actions
Get your facts straight
It wasn’t TT co-eds with the STD problems. it was the local female population. I hate it when stories get twisted around. In fact, the local livestock population has suffered a rash of latex burns every other year on A&M weekend due to distortions of this story. Wool and milk production is bound to improve now that the SEC move has happened, except maybe in years when UT comes to town. Bevo always likes to pick on his smaller ‘friends’.
But seriously WVa fans, don’t hit on the girls at the local car wash when you come to Lubbock. I don’t care if the missing teeth make you feel at home, just don’t do it. It’s a fire you can’t put out.
"I’ve established a reputation for integrity. I have maintained those high standards" - Craig James
by TechFirst on Oct 27, 2011 1:33 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
I'm not going to say I know a guy that lit a dumpster full of telephone books on fire
and pushed it in front of a douchebag’s house in Lubbock…..
Not saying that at all.
But I will say, the guy that did it….. I’ve seen him naked on more than one occasion.
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
Why in the blue f*** is everything in bold?
" Answers --Become Resources."
Without Questions, There are limited Resources...
we're blaming Demi Moore
Cowboys Ride For Free, the best Oklahoma State blog on the net (and also the drunkest)
by AUKingOState on Oct 27, 2011 7:13 PM CDT via iPhone app up reply actions
Seen the T-shirt at WRNL
What is that all about?
Do its origins share unknowable status like WV Couch Burning?
Or, is it just a matter of questions being besides the point, when there are so many disposable and flammable items in college towns waiting to be set on fire?
by Yachoffsmirnoff on Oct 27, 2011 3:39 PM CDT up reply actions
See that pic CyHawk posted?
That was Lincoln Way in Ames during the VEISHEA Riots in 2004.
USC knockoff uniforms, none of the results (including probation)
Wide Right & Natty Lite | @widertnattylt
Let's just say...
That West Virginia isn’t the only Big 12 school with a penchant for getting drunk and starting shit on fire.
There’s a very specific reason that Ames doesn’t allow burning.
"We're getting drunk today, Rand. Quart of rye each."
by NormanUnderwood on Oct 31, 2011 10:05 AM CDT up reply actions
I'm pretty sure couch burning is completely permissible in the first grass lot E of Bill Snyder Family Stadium
Though, it’s only when the home team’s expectations are shot following a huge win. Also, the more subtly you do it the better. A good way to get away with it, is to follow these pointers:
1. Load up truck with all tailgating supplies following a tough loss
2. Do not load up the couch you brought to tailgate
3. Realize, wait “we still have hot coals in our hibachi grille, I should probably get rid of those”
4. Instead of dumping simmering charcoal into designated red trash cans, dump on couch.
5. Get in truck and drive away.
I’ve seen it in person. I think actually it was following our loss to OU in 2000. SUCK!
"Nor yet in Dell?"
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