2012 Oklahoma State Basketball FAQ

A quick reference for fans and non-fans alike!

Q. What are the expectations this season?
A. There are a lot of young players on the team who will be depended on to develop quickly if there is to be success in 2012. While making the NCAA Tournament is always the bare minimum goal at Oklahoma State, I think most fans would be happy with seeing the foundation of a future good team being poured and a glimpse at the potential of a solid 2012-2013 season.

Q. Is there a rich basketball tradition at Oklahoma State?
A. Absolutely. The Cowboys play in historic Gallagher-Iba Arena, the rowdiest two-thirds-full arena in the country. The white maple floor in GIA onto which this season airballs harmlessly fall and 12 11 10 guys urinate all over has been in place for 74 years! Legendary coaches like Henry Iba and Eddie Sutton have graced the program, and the current coach is following in their footsteps in that he wears a suit and has hair.

Q. Who is the best player on the team?
A. The one that scored the most points in the last game.

Q. What style of offense do the Cowboys run?
A. There are a few variations.
Option 1 is where everyone stands around and stares at the guy with the ball for like 20 goddamn seconds until the guy with the ball tries to drive, gets cut off, dibbles back out and shoots an off-balance shitty three pointer.
Option 2 is where they set nine consecutive screens in the lane for Keiton Page to run through, he doesn't get through them clean, so now four of the guys on the court are all in the lane having some kind of goddamn tea party cause they don't know what to do when the "play" breaks down, then Gulley Dowell the "point guard" is forced to try to create on his own where he will inevitably drive into the shit mess in the paint, bounce of a teammate toward the baseline and shoot the ugliest damn fadeaway jumper you have ever seen that hits the side of the backboard.
Option 3 is where Le'Bryan Nash gets the ball somewhere on the court, really anywhere will do, and tries to take it to the rim. This works one out of five times. This is usually the Cowboys best option for offense.

Q. What style of defense do the Cowboys play?
A. Jesus, I don't know. What the fuck is your problem? They basically play man-to-man until that stops working, then they press which kinda works but the transition game is so awful that all the turnovers it creates don't do much good unless they happen in the backcourt, then they go back to their average man-to-man where all the guards go under the ball screens and give up 7 feet of space at will to anyone that wants it making it so any team that can shoot from outside basically just runs shooting drills for 40 minutes. This strategy kinda works against bad teams and does not work against good teams and really doesn't work that well against bad teams either now that I think about it.

Q. What are the strengths of this Oklahoma State team?
A. Seriously? You seriously want an answer to this question you son of a bitch? Alright... let's see. The strengths are... um... individual potential? Is that a strength? You know what... fuck you! Fuck you right in the fucking face for asking that question. Ok, fine... how about this for a strength: Beating the shit out of assholes who want to FAQ bullshit questions like this. You like that strength? I bet you do you prick. What is your next FAQ? Some bullshit about how you are a dickless bastard who just wants to piss me off with all these shitty questions? Oh wait... I bet since the last question was about the team's strengths the next question is about the weaknesses of the team, right? I swear on everything I hold sacred that if your next FAQ is some weak predictable shit about the team's weaknesses I am going to shit a brick, then throw that brick through your parent's living room window, then make you eat that shitty brick. Ask it! Fucking ask it! I damn dare you to ask it! Now I kinda want you to ask it!

Q. What are the weaknesses of this Oklahoma State team?
A. You bluff calling mother fucker.

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