It's baseball season. Fine. But you know what? Everyone, including myself, loves some football talk no matter what time of year it is so let's go ahead and do some
extremely biased completely fair rankings for the upcoming season! And to put an even better spin on it, I have chosen to compare each team to a music artist or group that most fits the school's persona at this time.
So without further ado, let's get this thing started.
1. Oklahoma Sooners aka Nickelback
Why won't these douchebags go away? Hated by many. In fact, the majority of their fans are made up of white trash hillbillies. But for some reason they always seem to end up at the top and continue to be successful and it drives most rational people insane. Many believe there is no way they could have this much success without making some kind of pact with the devil or somehow cheating to get there...wink!
Click the jump for the rest of the brilliant list.
2. Oklahoma State Cowboys aka Arcade Fire
Having been around for awhile, they are finally starting to break through and earn respect on a national level. Their latest effort has been their best thus far and has received high acclaim. Riding the momentum, they are now expected to top what they have recently accomplished. Of course, not everyone has a taste for their brand and therefore resorts to remedial insults in order to make themselves feel better (OU/Nickelback fans).
3. Texas A&M Aggies aka Kanye West
Inflated self importance. Delusional. Lots of pouting. Bat shit crazy. They talk about how great they are but seldomly ever win anything of any importance. Any talent that they have is drastically overshadowed by their childish antics and bizarre behavior.
4. Missouri Tigers aka Axl Rose
Huge ego. Kind of classless. You thought you were too good for your group so you tried to leave/left (bear with me here, kids). What ensued can only be defined as failure. Now you realize that you need your group more than they need you but still you won't admit it. Truthfully, you may have a stint of good history but lately you find more people laughing and shaking their heads at you.
5. Texas Tech Red Raiders aka Christina Aguilera
Caution! Has many strange and unknown venereal diseases. Enjoyed a good amount of success in the last decade but then went crashing down and faded into obscurity. Fighting to get back onto the radar. Often resides in the shadow of the bigger star standing next to them--which brings us to...
6. Texas Longhorns aka Britney Spears
Loaded. Has so much money they don't know what to do with it. Has enjoyed massive amounts of success for the last decade and then out of nowhere--FLOP. Everything came crumbling down at once. But after experiencing the lowest of lows, they have made the changes they feel necessary to jump back into the limelight. But can they get there before they implode again?
7. Baylor Bears aka Backstreet Boys
Laughed at. Mocked. Ridiculed. And then laughed at again. "Take us seriously!!" they cry. "We're talented! We swear!" But they aren't fooling anybody. They rode the coat tails of those greater than them just to get to where they are. The only fans they have are the ones that are too young to know better. But eventually, even those fans will mature, grow up, and throw that awful t-shirt away.
8. Iowa State Cyclones aka Andrew W.K.
They suck. They know it. They don't give a shit. Hand them a beer. They're just glad they get to play and have a great time. Who can't love these guys? Loveable losers that will congratulate you for beating them and then party with you afterward.
9. Kansas State Wildcats aka Stone Temple Pilots
They used to be relevant, they used to be respected...not so much anymore. Their lead man quit, they got worse, so he came back to revive them. Unfortunately, it may be too little, too late. Now they play to much smaller crowds while their aging fans sit in the stands and remember the good ol' days.
10. Kansas Jayhawks aka Rebecca Black
Pretty much the worst thing this world has ever seen. It's like a trainwreck you can't help but watch. You would laugh if you weren't too busy crying. Make it stop. Put this horrible thing out of its misery. They're talentless. They're embarrassing. They make others look 100 times better in comparison. May God have mercy on their soul(s).