My Way Too Early Big 12 Football Power Ranking
by Royal John on Apr 7, 2011 5:00 AM CDT
in Oklahoma State Cowboys Football
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PrintIt's baseball season. Fine. But you know what? Everyone, including myself, loves some football talk no matter what time of year it is so let's go ahead and do some extremely biased completely fair rankings for the upcoming season! And to put an even better spin on it, I have chosen to compare each team to a music artist or group that most fits the school's persona at this time.
So without further ado, let's get this thing started.
1. Oklahoma Sooners aka Nickelback
Why won't these douchebags go away? Hated by many. In fact, the majority of their fans are made up of white trash hillbillies. But for some reason they always seem to end up at the top and continue to be successful and it drives most rational people insane. Many believe there is no way they could have this much success without making some kind of pact with the devil or somehow cheating to get there...wink!
Click the jump for the rest of the brilliant list.
2. Oklahoma State Cowboys aka Arcade Fire
Having been around for awhile, they are finally starting to break through and earn respect on a national level. Their latest effort has been their best thus far and has received high acclaim. Riding the momentum, they are now expected to top what they have recently accomplished. Of course, not everyone has a taste for their brand and therefore resorts to remedial insults in order to make themselves feel better (OU/Nickelback fans).
3. Texas A&M Aggies aka Kanye West
Inflated self importance. Delusional. Lots of pouting. Bat shit crazy. They talk about how great they are but seldomly ever win anything of any importance. Any talent that they have is drastically overshadowed by their childish antics and bizarre behavior.
4. Missouri Tigers aka Axl Rose
Huge ego. Kind of classless. You thought you were too good for your group so you tried to leave/left (bear with me here, kids). What ensued can only be defined as failure. Now you realize that you need your group more than they need you but still you won't admit it. Truthfully, you may have a stint of good history but lately you find more people laughing and shaking their heads at you.
5. Texas Tech Red Raiders aka Christina Aguilera
Caution! Has many strange and unknown venereal diseases. Enjoyed a good amount of success in the last decade but then went crashing down and faded into obscurity. Fighting to get back onto the radar. Often resides in the shadow of the bigger star standing next to them--which brings us to...
6. Texas Longhorns aka Britney Spears
Loaded. Has so much money they don't know what to do with it. Has enjoyed massive amounts of success for the last decade and then out of nowhere--FLOP. Everything came crumbling down at once. But after experiencing the lowest of lows, they have made the changes they feel necessary to jump back into the limelight. But can they get there before they implode again?
7. Baylor Bears aka Backstreet Boys
Laughed at. Mocked. Ridiculed. And then laughed at again. "Take us seriously!!" they cry. "We're talented! We swear!" But they aren't fooling anybody. They rode the coat tails of those greater than them just to get to where they are. The only fans they have are the ones that are too young to know better. But eventually, even those fans will mature, grow up, and throw that awful t-shirt away.
8. Iowa State Cyclones aka Andrew W.K.
They suck. They know it. They don't give a shit. Hand them a beer. They're just glad they get to play and have a great time. Who can't love these guys? Loveable losers that will congratulate you for beating them and then party with you afterward.
9. Kansas State Wildcats aka Stone Temple Pilots
They used to be relevant, they used to be respected...not so much anymore. Their lead man quit, they got worse, so he came back to revive them. Unfortunately, it may be too little, too late. Now they play to much smaller crowds while their aging fans sit in the stands and remember the good ol' days.
10. Kansas Jayhawks aka Rebecca Black
Pretty much the worst thing this world has ever seen. It's like a trainwreck you can't help but watch. You would laugh if you weren't too busy crying. Make it stop. Put this horrible thing out of its misery. They're talentless. They're embarrassing. They make others look 100 times better in comparison. May God have mercy on their soul(s).
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Now, and it pains me to say this, but
Kansas deserves better. At least they suck legit. They didn’t pay learfield to film a game then post that shit on YouTube. Then try to sue learfield to the rights to the worst game in the history of football
Oklahoma State, world leader in soft zone defense and PBR tallboy consumption
Excellent Royal..
No such thing as too early for football talk IMO..
Oklahoma State on SBN
www.cowboysrideforfree.com
I'm pretty much in agreement with yall but...
I’d swap Baylor with Tech and Iowa St with Kansas St…the homer side of me wants put Texas at 4 but I can’t justify if after 5-7 and no clear cut QB.
Honestly the top 3 to me are locked in 4-7 are interchangeable and 8-10 don’t really matter…
Agreed with your last point.
4-7 really are interchangeable.
Baylor didn’t impress me last year and I just don’t see much more from them this year. Their defense is pretty awful and their offense consists of constant WR screens. I think Tech will get better this year with what they have coming back and being in Tubberville’s system another year.
I think K-State is going to lose quite a bit without Daniel Thomas as their workhorse. Iowa State won’t be much better but I’ll give them the nod for now.
As far as your Longhorns go, who the hell knows? I put them at number six because they certainly always have the talent but with brand new coaches, schemes, and questionable QB/O-Line play, I just don’t think they are going to jump back up right away. I think they’ll be better than last year, though. I’ll put the ceiling at 9 wins but I’m predicting 7. The game against UCLA will tell us a lot.
correction....
questionable QB/and horrible O-Line play
and I predicted 8 so we’re pretty close
Baylor may do some damage I don’t recall how good/bad their defense is but I do remember how good their Oline and RG3 can be, scary good…
K St is a personal pain in the ass for us so I learn not to underestimate them…
I think people are over confident on Tech I feel that they didn’t improve very much last year, and I think Tubberville is a recruiter 1st coach 2nd (like Mack) and it’ll take a few years before he can turn it around…
I honestly don’t know what to expect about Iowa St maybe after we start playing them every year I’ll get to know them better…
KSU is only a pain in the ass for texas. when again was the last time the horns won?
and yes I know we have our 03 hiccup.
As an Iowa State alumni and fan....
I take no offense and laughed out loud when I saw this. I grew up an Iowa State fan and our passion is tailgating. We plan in a great conference with some great teams and at times, we roll with them and at times we get beat down. ISU fans understand that we personally didn’t have anything to do with what happened on the field and at the end of the day, we each are still going to have fun and celebrate a gorgeous fall day filled with football.
Come join the fun whenever the game is in Ames.
by Katy DeJonge on Apr 15, 2011 2:32 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I knew a Andrew W.K. fan in college.
That’s it, just seemed remarkable, that’s all.
Great post, big Arcade Fire fan here.
by Yachoffsmirnoff on Apr 7, 2011 10:08 AM CDT reply actions
I'm in college and an andrew w k fan
now you know 2
Oklahoma State, world leader in soft zone defense and PBR tallboy consumption
by AUKingOState on Apr 7, 2011 10:42 AM CDT up reply actions
Can't say that I blame you two.
Seems like really jubilant music to get messed up by. Call me old fashioned, but when I get messed up I stick to the Allman Brothers.
by Yachoffsmirnoff on Apr 7, 2011 12:29 PM CDT up reply actions
I just joined this blog
Just to rec this post. Pretty accurate I think.
And while the comparison is good why does texas have to Brittney spears.
She is just not talented… at all.
We at least have talent(so say the national rankings).
Thanks for joining and rec'ing!
Have to disagree with the Britney Spears is not talented comment. She has a tremendous amount of talent outside of music.
Oklahoma State on SBN
www.cowboysrideforfree.com
by CincyJoe on Apr 8, 2011 2:59 PM CDT up reply actions 2 recs
Funny as hell.
Haven’t really looked at the teams yet, so its hard for me to argue with the rankings. But the comparisons were awesome.
I don't pay enough attention to music to judge the comparisons
as for the football rankings, I think it is funny that you rank OSU above A&M, but this is an OSU blog
We have accomplished just as much as Okie State has recently, so if we have accomplished nothing, well, then……
I also think you, like the national media, overrate OU. I’m sick of OU getting so much credit for beating a Connecticut team Baylor would have beaten.
If you honestly think....
That the only reason OU is getting this much love is the Connecticut beat down then nobody is going to be able to explain it to you.
Do you think OU would be preseason #1 in some polls if they had lost to UConn?
They lost DeMarco Murray, who fought off to injury-riddled seasons to play terrific football his senior season, return a starting QB who struggles to win on the road anywhere not named Stillwater, and have arguably the second-best WR in the Big 12 (I’d take Jeff Fuller over him, but I admit to being biased) in Ryan Broyles. This is the preseason favorite for the national title?
The loss of Murray and the return of Jones at QB is enough for me to put them outside the top 5.
Perfect timing!
We have accomplished just as much as Okie State has recently
OSU had 11 wins last year, 9 wins the year before that, and 9 wins the year before that.
A&M had 9 wins last year, 6 wins the year before that, and 4 wins the year before that.
OSU has beaten A&M three years in a row.
I’m sorry Beergut but you are kind of proving the point I made in the list above.
Meh, just ignore him
if you could reason with Aggies, there wouldn’t be Aggies.
by BrooklynHorn on Apr 10, 2011 1:54 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
If you are only counting South titles as accomplishments
then yes, OSU and A&M have accomplished the same in recent years.
I guess I just have a broader view of what I would consider an accomplishment.
Sorry
Winning 9 games isn’t an accomplishment. Fran won 9 games in a season. Thinking winning 9 games is an accomplishment is very Texas Techian.
I think the Pokechoke factor keeps people from taking OSU seriously.
by Beergut on Apr 12, 2011 11:45 AM CDT via mobile up reply actions
That and their big (inbred) brother in Norman constantly kicking their asses
"If you don't want to work, become a reporter. That awful power, the public opinion of the nation, was created by a horde of self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditch digging and shoemaking and fetched up journalism on their way to the poorhouse." - Mark Twain
Whether you believe nine wins is an accomplishment or not
OSU has still fared better than A&M recently and that shouldn’t even be a debate. Look at the records. Look at the head-to-head results. You are trying to create the standard for what should be deemed an accomplishment simply so that it will fit your argument. Sorry but that dog simply ain’t going to hunt.
By the way, after three straight losses to OSU, I would think that you and other A&M fans would start to take them seriously. But then again…Kanye West is Kanye West.
Pretty good
Except for the fawning homerism(to be expected) and I don’t know much about Stone Temple Pilots but we actually just had our 2nd best season attendance wise if I recall correctly so I mean that’s not quite right but I get the jist. We do pine for the good ol’ days.
"I refuse to write on the chalkboard because I refuse to rock chalk, at all times." -The Forum
The user formerly known as EMAWrising
Definitely too much homerism.
The day after I wrote it I realized I should have been a bit more fair and threw at least one jab at OSU as well.
Then I figured someone was going to kill me on using a hipster band like Arcade Fire so it would all even out. But then that didn’t happen either. Oh well.
Thanks for the comment!
Just joined to say thank you for the most entertaining post this year
Beergut, Beergut, Beergut…Don’t ever change my man. You just keep on being you.
Reminds me of another “batshit crazy” comparison
I feel like a hippie in a drum circle!
Who is Rebecca Black?
"If you don't want to work, become a reporter. That awful power, the public opinion of the nation, was created by a horde of self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditch digging and shoemaking and fetched up journalism on their way to the poorhouse." - Mark Twain
A brief retort
OSU – Arcade Fire? Not a f*cking chance. They won a Grammy. You’ve won a share of a division championship. You guys are the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Have you really accomplished anything? No. You’re a sideshow to bigger names, and occasionally you get on the big stage. But when you get there, it only highlights the fact that your quirky nature is always going to play second fiddle to bigger, harder rocking bands.
Yeah, I can't knock you on the hipster part
I have no problem with Arcade Fire. The Suburbs is a fine album.
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