As finals week has wrapped up, and the long summer anxiously awaiting BDUB/JMON PART DEUX(copyright pending) is now upon us, it is important that we as OSU fans do not lose our spirit and outward displays of physical affection(not weird) towards Oklahoma State University.
We must do our part to show others who may not be fortunate enough to have heard of our beloved institution that we care about OSU. As fans of State, we could talk endlessly to these poor souls about the thousands of reasons that each of us personally love our school, wilding away the hours with diagrams and charts explaining why Eskimo Joe’s is the greatest honeytrap ever invented, tales of how one and one’s friends used to party in one of the Physical Science buildings fire exits, haiku’s written about Theta pond (coming in mid-August!), or pleasant, water-colored memories of the Student Union on that first day in spring every year when all OSU coeds collectively conclude that it is safe to trot out their sexy, little short skirts again. (Yachoff calls it: "GroundHottie Day")
We could talk, but like the man says, "talk is cheap". What we need is to SHOW the world our belligerence of pride in Oklahoma State. For this, Yachoff has devised a week long program that goes beyond the simple "putting on of your Orange clothes and getting into your Orange car, driving from your Orange house to and from OSU related functions whilst listening to "The Waving Song" at full tilt between retellings of Frank Eaton’s vengeance on his father’s murderers to less-than-interested strangers at the supermarket" program that you should be doing already.
After the jump is Yachoff's Patented Program of Beligerent Pride...
The following program is considerably more intensive, indeed. Please consider that some of the following actions may get you fired, divorced, socially ostracized, and/or disbarred. However, this is the price we must pay for our Alma Matter.
For One Week: (Choose Any Two)
- Style your hair in either "the Gundy"(men) or "the Dana Holgorson"(women).
- Do not go to work. Instead, stay inside and finish that stained glass front door inlay of Pistol Pete you’ve been planning.
- Every day, do something nice for T. Boone Pickens.
- Every day, ask a Sooner fan at random what their OU freshman orientation was like. Chart their responses.
- Buy, borrow, or steal priceless memorabilia from any other Big12 school(NU or CU if you wish). Use all memorabilia collected to light special weekend OSUBoPW barbecue. No points for anything Billy Sims.
- Consume only Orange foodstuffs. (Cheettos, Orange Soda, most Cheeses, Carrots(think nutrition, folks!))
- Continuously convert rooms of your home into "OSU Sports Caves" until you have one each for Football, Basketball, Baseball, Wrestling, Tennis, and Golf, or your spouse leaves you. Whichever occurs first. (Most will leave somewhere around Baseball.)
BrowbeatStrongly convince one non-OSU family member a day into investing $50k+ and four years in an OSU education for themselves.
- Stand on street corner and shout "Orange Power" until you are jailed. Bond-out. Repeat.
- Whenever you see an OSU front license plate, honk your horn in solidarity. An OU plate, flip the bird in disdain. If you see a U. of Tulsa plate, try and run that little feller off the road.
Please report to CRFF your progress throughout the week. By all of us doing our part with this program, we can forcefully show the world how great it is to be a Cowboy.