Masturbation Aids for Each Big 12 Fanbase
by samuelbryant on Aug 24, 2011 12:30 PM CDT
in Cowboys Ride For Free Editorial
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As most of you know, the goal since the founding of this site was to eventually turn it into a porn site. Well that day is finally here... sorta. Unfortunately, SB Nation has a bunch of rules about this in the "don't turn your site into a porn site" section of the contract I signed. But being the resourceful website manager I am, I have found a way around this and still found a way for people to pleasure themselves to CRFF (a dream come true!). How did I do this? Fanbase specific masturbation aids. The pictures within this post do more than just show naked people... these images get to the core of what really turns on a Big 12 fan.
Follow me through the jump, and find the perfect picture to get a member of each Big 12 fanbase in the mood.
Warning: If you are a fan of a Big 12 school, skip over your section if you are in public or anywhere that it isn't safe to remove your pants.
Baylor Bears Fan
Oh ya. Look at those ankles. Oh my gosh... is she dancing? So naughty. Oh goodness gracious, look at that giant Dr. Pepper. I bet she is going to drink it. OH YES! DRINK IT!
Texas Tech Red Raiders Fan
Is that... could it really be... a mild case of herpies? Oh dear God. Just beautiful.
Texas A&M Aggies Fan
Oklahoma State Cowboys Fan
Oklahoma Sooner Fan
Ooooo baby. A public school diploma. oooooooo ...the highest level of education that can possibly be obtained. Yes Yes... BOOMER.
Texas Longhorn Fan
Oh YESSS. A totally normal, middle class person. OH GOD. Look at how he doesn't have a mowhawk. Yes Yes. And he isnt a total frat prick either. Oh God. So normal. You just can't find that in Austin.....so exotically normal. Oh YES!
Kansas Jayhawks Fan
How high is that? I bet that is a 200 foot hill. Jesus. Oh... it is so tall. It would take 14 minutes to scale that thing... oh geez. So high... so high... oh.. HIIIILLLLL!
Kansas State Wildcats Fan
Is that a pic from the 90's? I'm done.
Missouri Tigers Fan
Iowa State Cyclones Fan
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I just realized you have...
Masturbation, Aids and Big 12 all in the headline.
SEO GENIUS!
Oklahoma State on SBN
www.cowboysrideforfree.com
by CincyJoe on Aug 24, 2011 12:43 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Actually...
The Aggie one gets me going. As soon as I hear they are gone, it will be…
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
by dimecoverage on Aug 24, 2011 12:55 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
You sure it isn't the sheep?
There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .
No.
Now if it was a cashmere goat, that would be a different story.
SEC- Southern Evangelical Cheaters. Since Jesus didn't specifically mention cheating in football in the New Testament, they are good to go.
by dimecoverage on Aug 24, 2011 1:06 PM CDT up reply actions
I do not play this one often. Well done across the board.
There is so much beauty because life can be so symmetrical that it gives birth to this almost silent poetry . . . (like) a girl who's terrible at grammar saying, "Mama, you raised me good," and then being pushed down a well . . .
Chris Gaines...
looks so cool in cowboy hats, he should do that more often.
by i poop orange on Aug 24, 2011 1:01 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Bahahaha
I like A&M and Missouri.
"My hardest job is to convince the people of Nebraska that 10-1 is not a losing season." - Tom Osborne
Nicely played, Sam.
Any time you can see Seneca Wallace on the field with a case of Natty, you better make sure there aren’t any Cyclone fans around. ziiiiiip!
I've a special place for that Kansas joke
Multiple road trips through that state have resulted in a stir-crazy, cabin-fever-like madness during which I, and whatever companion I was with, became so psychotic that we nearly murdered each other. I suppose it had something to do with hour after hour of perfectly straight roads with monotonous corn fields rolling by and absolutely no suggestion that the particular reward center in our brains, the one that responds to change and novelty, was ever going to be stimulated. Miraculously, the psychosis was cured the minute we’d cross into the next state, but things between myself and my companions were forever… how shall we say.. awkward.
by BrooklynHorn on Aug 24, 2011 1:58 PM CDT reply actions 4 recs
Funny
I took a trip to Kansas myself one time and got lost not only on the way to my destination, but on my way back as well. I experienced more emotional swings in those few hours than I have my entire lifetime. Scary stuff
New Orleans, here we come.
by KratosWasASooner on Aug 24, 2011 2:28 PM CDT up reply actions
Ladies and Gentleman....
We officially have our first visitor from the Google Keyword, masturbation.
Mark this day in history. Poor guy/gal.
Oklahoma State on SBN
www.cowboysrideforfree.com
by CincyJoe on Aug 24, 2011 2:07 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
Y'all do good work
Mucho kudos.
Simplicity is always the secret, to a profound truth, to doing things, to writing, to painting. Life is profound in its simplicity. - Charles Bukowski
I Am SO Pissed Right Now
Had a crappy day at work. This would have totally made it better. Didn’t open it at work for fear there were actual naked people. Angry.
For what it's worth...
by Something Witty on Aug 24, 2011 6:29 PM CDT reply actions
As a KSU alum
I’m just glad there’s actual people in our aid! Even guys for the 3 females who get on SB Nation!
Surgeon General's Warning: K-State-Mizzou basketball may increase the risk of high blood pressure. Please consult your doctor prior to watching any of these games.
B1G!!?!!??!?!!!!!
WELL PLAYED lol
Lord, she never would've done it if she hadn't got drunk.
Worst Twitter Ever = @SidewalkDrunk
Come on Sammy
The best masturbation aid in the entire article was the picture at the top. Followed closely by the sheep.
Then Garth.
