Okay look, I'm going to be honest with you, I'm struggling with the God damned Iowa State defense preview. I've been typing and erasing for 45 fucking minutes, and I've written and kept exactly dick. I just can't figure out what the hell to say. On the one hand, the Cyclones are solely responsible for destroying the greatest shot we'll probably ever have at reaching the championship game. On the other hand, our two schools are like clones, fans are similar, and drinking with them should be a hell of a time.
After all that, I still don't know what to write. Here's some stats:
The Cyclone defense holds opponents to 126 rushing yards, 17 points per game, averages 2 sacks per game, 2 interceptions per game, and have two of, if not the best linebackers in the nation in AJ Klein and Jake Knott. and are giving up 342 yards a game. We're rolling up 610 yards, so something has to give. This is going so bad, it's like a train wreck that I'm causing. I'm tempted to post nudie pics and just move along. God, I'm almost sorry for this.
Okay, let's try and refocus this bastard. What do we need to do to win Saturday? Well step on, don't throw interceptions. They have a ball hawking secondary, and linebackers who can catch if given the chance. The second thing, is our offensive line needs to find a pair of testicles, preferable with some hair on em. Because we can't throw if we can't run. We have to be able to suck Klein and Knott into run defense, up close to the line, to open the middle up. If Lunt starts it won't be as important, but if it's Walsh, and they won't let him throw more than 4 yards downfield, we have to take the pressure off the 4-8 yard over the middle pass.
Did any of that make sense? I doubt it, and the worst part is the fact I'm sober. Maybe that's my problem. Whatever, screw it. You know what I want to see the most? Iowa State get screwed on a horrible call. Why? The Paul Rhoads Freak-Out. They are becoming legendary, and nothing would erase the memory of last year than seeing Rhoads on the verge of a rage stroke.
I'm, i'm just sorry for this.