Dear OSU Cowboy Fans,
As you all know, this season has had its ups and downs. With Brandon Weeden (aka BFF), Justin Blackmon, and other great OSU teammates now playing in the NFL, we knew that there were going to be massive shoes to fill. To add to that challenge, the injury bug has hit us pretty hard this year as well.
But despite these hurdles, I believe that we can still finish the season strong. So as the new starting quarterback for your Oklahoma State Cowboys, let me read some words that I hope will leave you full of hope and inspiration...
CHOOOOOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOOOOO, MOTHERFUCKERS!!! YOU HEAR THAT SHIT?! THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKIN' CLINT CHELF FREIGHT TRAIN AND I AM YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' CONDUCTOR. YOU HEARD RIGHT. AND IT'S ALL ABOARD BECAUSE I'M BURNIN' THIS BITCH TO THE GROUND!
THAT'S RIGHT, WEST VIRGINIA. YOU BITCHES THOUGHT YOU KNEW BUT YOU AIN'T GOT NO MOTHERFUCKIN' CLUE! LEAVE YOUR PUSSY ASS COUCHES WITHOUT THE FLAMES BECAUSE I'M GONNA LIGHT YO ASSES UP SO QUICK THAT YOU WON'T NEED THE FUCKIN' GASOLINE!
IN FACT, BRING YO UGLY ASS COUCHES TO THE STADIUM. PUT THEM BITCHES ON YOUR SIDELINE. 'CAUSE YO SHITTY DEFENSE IS GONNA NEED A PLACE TO SIT AFTER I'M DONE TORCHING YOUR ASSES ALL...FUCKIN...DAY...LONG!
AND DON'T BOTHER TRYIN' TO HIDE YO WIVES OR HIDE YO DAUGHTERS. IT'S TOO MOTHERFUCKIN' LATE! THEY'VE BEEN SHOUTING "CHOOOOOO CHOOOOOOOO!!!!" WHILE RIDING THE CHELF TRAIN ALL FUCKIN' NIGHT!
NOW LET'S HIT UP THE Q & A FROM MY TWITTER HANDLE @CLINTCHOOCHOOMOTHERFUCKINGCHELF (#CCCMFC):
Clint, what is your favorite color?
FUCK YOU! NEXT!
Clint, will you take me to prom? Tee hee!
I'VE FUCKED YOU! NEXT!
Clint, what is your level of badassness?
I'M A BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER!! ONE TIME SAMUEL L. JACKSON TRIED TO SHAKE MY HAND. I LOOKED THAT PUNK IN THE EYE AND HE SAID "...my bad." FUCKIN' RIGHT, YOUR BAD!
Clint, what are your thoughts on the presidential election?
WHILE IT WOULD SEEM THAT WE AS A PEOPLE ARE IN THE PRIME OF OUR EVOLUTION, THE OBSEQUIOUS FOLLOWERS OF BOTH THE DEMOCRATIC AND REPUBLICAN PARTIES HAVE DEMONSTRATED QUITE THE OPPOSITE. IN A DEPLORABLE BATTLE THAT HAS LEFT THE MASSES VOTING AGAINST A CANDIDATE RATHER THAN FOR ONE, ONE HAS TO WONDER IF MERELY CHOOSING THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE UP TO OUR MEANING OF THE WORD "SUFFRAGE." IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, A STRINGENT CAP ON CAMPAIGN FUNDRAISING AND ADVERTISING WILL ALLOW LESS KNOWN PARTIES AND CANDIDATES TO PRESENT THEMSELVES ON A LARGER SCALE THUS GIVING THE PUBLIC A MORE DIVERSE SELECTION TO CONSIDER...........MOTHERFUCKER!!!
SO IN MOTHERFUCKIN' SUMMARY, EVERYBODY BETTER BUCKLE THE FUCK UP BECAUSE THE CLINT "CHOOOOO CHOOOOO" MOTHERFUCKIN' CHELF TRAIN IS ROLLIN' AT FULL FUCKIN' STEAM! I AM YOUR STARTING MOTHERFUCKIN' QUARTERBACK AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU BETTER ASK YOUR WIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTERS!
SUP, LADIES? WANNA RIDE?