What is going on right now? (9pm on Tuesday) I'll wait, go ahead and figure it out. Still stumped? Currently Iona and BYU are battling it out to make it into the NCAA tournament. Earlier Western Kentucky beat Mississippi Valley State to earn their place in the dance. Western God Damn Kentucky. Know their record? 16-18. Did they dominate the conference? Hell no, 7-9. Who's dick did they suck? Tomorrow Vermont and Lamar go at it, as well as South Florida and Cal, to try and get their place in the tourney. Does any part of that last sentence get your dick hard?
What's that? There aren't play-in games, their round one? Like hell. That's marketing trying to fuck with your brain son, that's CBS trying to milk another few hundred thousand out of the tournament, and that's society crumbling. Oh I hear you, and your "King you ignorant dick, I love the NCAA tourney more than life, I love college basketball, and I want 124 teams". Well, you are what's wrong with society (that, and BBW porn). As it is the regular season is diminished enough, the tourney is too big (and yet we still couldn't get in, damn Ford), and most of the teams don't deserve their invites.
But that's an arguement for another day. I'm here to argue with all those dickwads who want to pretend the first four games are "Round 1", and think that having these games is a good thing.
Want to read ranting, cursing, and penis jokes? Click the jump........
I've tried to decide on the best way to go about showing you why these games suck, why their not round one, and have settled on a list (fuck it, ya know?).
Reason 1: Having 68 teams was just a money making scheme:
Find someone who will argue with me on this. Otherwise who gives a shit about having four extra crap teams. I could maybe get behind calling this crap "Round 1", if they were all 16th seeds fighting for a spot (like 65 ever made sense), that I could understand. But having so called 14th seeds and 12 seeds going at it is the stupid. You know what would make sense? Dumping all the damn 16th seeds and replacing them with the extra 14th and 12th seeds. So why the hell to we have these games? To get CBS more advertising dollars, give Buffalo Wild Wings a few extra beer sales, and give TRU tv a reason for existing (news flash, it still blows)
Reason 2: Play in games are lame:
First off, who here actually believes any of these 4 teams will win more than one game in the tourney? Guaranteed to first round flame outs. So you can try and push this drama shit down my throat, but I just don't give a fuck anymore. You know when the drama starts? When I'm one fucking win away from hitting a 6 team parlay and cleaning up, only to see god damn Kansas drop a game to Northern fucking Iowa and cost me 2 grand (to all you Kansas fans, fuck you still). There's your drama. If you don't actually bet on the fucking thing nobody gives a shit, and these play in games simply delay my ability to enter a tourney pool. Oh, and to further my point, BYU is losing to Iona by 15 at the half. So what happens now? BYU makes a comeback and ESPN shows Doug Gotlieb and his 9 brackets talking about BYU making a run now, or BYU loses and we hear about how Iona is under-seeded. But at the end of the day, who here gives a rat's ass about Iona playing BYU?
Reason 3: The games water down an already too big tournament:
It's too big by like 36 teams. Yeah, I said it. We should start with the second round. And only conference champions (regular season) should be allowed. We all know the regular season doesn't matter. All a team has to do is load their non con with pussies (looking at you Mizzou), win half of your conference games (Kansas State, you're up), or have the "it" factor the selection committee looks for (what ever the hell that is every year, nobody actually knows. Speaking of the committee, you know how they show that room like 400 times over the course of the week before the tourney? It's always 50 year old white dudes watching basketball. I bet that room smells like Brut and fart. Damn). Cutting the tourney down makes it more interesting, increases the value of the regular season, which in turn could help attendance (which is down everywhere).
Reason 4: They don't follow the tournament format:
Except for these first four games, every round reduces the field by half, until we have a winner. These games are play in games, end of story. Calling that shit round one is like calling Mark Mangino svelte, you can fool some people but anyone who's seen him will laugh (I'm kinda proud I got a Mangino joke in, I need him to start coaching again). Sorta like calling these shit games round one, they don't look of feel like tourney games, and they fuck the system up. If you want to call them the "First Four" so be it, but to continue to shove this round one shit down my throat makes me not want to watch the god damn thing. Are we gonna call the sweet sixteen round 4? Is the final round 7? Hell no, so please, give that shit up.
I don't even know if any of what I just wrote makes any sense, and I don't care. I haven't written anything in a bit (real life blows) and just couldn't take this "Round 1" shit any longer. And it's halftime of the second game. Two more to go. Remember this boys and girl, everything that glitters is not gold, and this shit that CBS is shoving up our ass is pyrite. Let me just leave you with this, you know that tourney challenge you're in? (And it better be the CRFF one). What game does it start with? WKU vs MVS? Hell no, it starts with the first game on Thursday. If that doesn't get you on board the anit-First Four train nothing will. Except cocaine, that's a hell of a drug.