AUGUSTA, GA - APRIL 05: Hunter Mahan of the United States lines up his putt on the second green during the first round of the 2012 Masters Tournament at Augusta National Golf Club on April 5, 2012 in Augusta, Georgia. (Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)
Good news/Bad News. Good news: Unlike a certain IBM CEO, all the former Cowboys in this years tournament will be playing golf at Augusta for the next couple of days. Bad news: They've got a long way to go to get a Green/Orange jacket. Charles Howell III is leading the way at -2 under, Hunter Mahan is even through two rounds, and Scott Verplank, Rickie Fowler, and Bo Van Pelt are all in the same boat at +4 over. Howell would have been even par, but an eagle on number 15 "Fire Thorn", put him within striking distance of his first major. Mahan got off to a rolling start with three birdies on the first five holes, but bogeyed three holes on his way to the clubhouse. Fowler has had some good holes, but had an awful patch at the turn in round two. Verplank started off the second round with a double bogey and was lucky to make the cut. If Van Pelt hadn't double bogeyed "Fire Thorn" (Augusta National names its holes after a ginger's balls, apparently) he would be sitting prettier at +2 over.
As for the media favorites, Tiger Woods has hookers and blow on his mind at +3 over, but Tiger always performs better as the tournament progresses; like a horse to the barn that has been promised hookers and blow. Phil Mickelson is at -2 under with Howell, and Tom Watson decided to miss this years cut in order to spend more time with his great-grandchildren. Former Sooner golfer Anthony Kim is also in the clubhouse for the weekend, no doubt talking endlessly about Sooner football to anybody who will listen. John Daly is somewhere in America at a one of those stripclubs that only serves to make you feel more lonely and shutoff from the world drinking peanut M&M's out of a glass of Dewar's. Finally, Augusto the rabid Masters honeybadger has been spotted on #13 "Azalea" burning copies of "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan and Kate Chopin's "The Awakening" in his underground burrow. On all the hullabaloo about sexism at Augusta it can be safely assumed that Honeybadger don't give a shit.