So Ruprecht the Idiot brother across state is again the preseason favorite to roll everyone and win the Big 12 title this year. Let's roll up our sleeves and take a look at a few of the minor issues the Dumber-than-a-sack-of-hammers Sooners are facing this upcoming season - and how they match-up with our Cowboys.
Do The Jump. Just Do It!
First off let's get the basics out of the way... So Big Game Bob pushes out Venables to bring in Mike "Call me Homer" Stoops back to Norman. Really? You're pushing out Venables for a guy that totally sucked at Arizona and looks like Homer Simpson. 9 out of 10 on Nepotism Scale. Momma Stoops is a happy mother.
Kish - What ever. Like the guy tore it up at Arizona. That's who I would move to Norman, but hey - it's all part of keeping Mikey off the streets plan.
Pass Rush - Say bye-bye... Congrats to the Chuck Wagon boys for producing several NFL quality defensive players last season. Good thing your depth is soooo good that losing "Big Toe" Lewis, "Sack-of-Hammers" Lewis, Frank Alexander and "Which-way-did-he-go" Flemming is no big deal. Yeah, those Sooner's Sharks were quite the defensive gauntlet once a couple of those guys stubbed their toes last season.
Landry to Broyles - Hmmm, let's see here... Broyles is gone. Hanna - gone. Ah, and the most recent issues... Kameel "I'm really an Aggie" Jackson - suspended. Trey Franks - suspended, Jaz Reynolds - outta here. This leaves Ole Reliable with exactly 1 receiver that has caught a game day pass. Good news is that the Sooners are recruiting like mad and have several JuCo players coming in that are - yes, you guessed it - "Stoopider than a Sack of Hammers". Metoyer forgot to take basket weaving. Gardner is a stud, but can't pass JuCo tiddly winks. Maybe BSJr's classmate will "translate" to the next level.
Landry Jones - Mr. Jones, Laundry, Chili Britches, Fudge Shorts, Ole Reliable, Mr. Happy Feet. What can I say? Anyone that throws a jump ball anywhere in the direction of Bulldog Brown is, you guessed it, dumber than a sack of hammers. Big arm, peanut for a brain, leadership of a slug caught on a salt flat. Is there really anyone out there that doesn't think the Sooner's would be better off with either Allen or Belldozer as starting QB? How far into the season before Bell win's the starting spot?
Running Backs - Must have shocked all the 5 star studs that were benched when Big Game "Even a blind pig occasionally finds an acorn" Bob found out that the transfer from Langston U was the only every down back in the stable. How many folks are looking forward to watching Finch the Shrimp try to block a charging DE or LB again this year?
Needless to say, there are a few skeptics out there that the Sooner's will "run the table" and win the Big 12 title.
Enough for today. Look for position by position Bedlam match-ups later this week!
How will the Sooner's finish in the Big 12 rankings in 2012?
Chuck Wagon Boys will Run the Table as Predicted (12 votes)
Sooner's get Shark Whipped by either the Cowboys or the Horns (2 votes)
Laundry and the New Kids finish 3rd after whippings by Gundy and Brown (10 votes)
Sooners implode and drop every game they can think of (6 votes)
30 total votes