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Insanely Early OSU football preseason prediction!


It's that time of the year! Let's see how the best team T Boone Pickens can buy will fare on the field of honor!

Savannah State - This must be a misprint. There is NO WAY a legitimate D1 program would schedule a team as BAD as Savannah State, which went 1-10 in D1AA. Why only a completely GUTLESS coward would schedule a Div1A team to play these guys. Absolutely disgraceful scheduling.

OSU 1-0

Arizona Mildcats - A bad team. 4-8 last year. AT Arizona. OSU won't be that great this year either. Hmmm. Early season struggles by a wet behind the ears OSU quarterback bites them in the desert. OSU loses this one.

OSU 1-1

LSU - About time! OSU plays a tough Les Miles led LSU squad, a national championship...oh, wait a second. Louisiana Ragun Cajuns? Are you shitting me?

After one of the weakest and most disgraceful nonconference schedules in the country...a nonconf SO BAD that the toughie is a 4-8 Arizona team from last year, OSU will find itself 2-1.

OSU 2-1

Texas - Texas ain't what they used to be. In a sense, I mean. They are still douchebags...I just meant that their football team is kinda shitty now. This will be a game of two mirrored teams - teams quarterbacked by bad/inexperienced QBs that have to depend on running the ball and defense. OSU has a terrible, but lucky, defense. Texas has a terrible, and unlucky, defense. This one may come down to the coach. Mack Brown is deep into senility at this point and thinks the game is resolved by which team eats the most pancakes for breakfast. Mike Gundy is borderline retarded, a condition brought on by too many atomic wedgies from his much more talented brother. Texas DOES have to travel to Stillwater though...and toxic fumes from the pig farm down the road will affect his players worse than T Boone's paid professionals. OSU wins this one over the metrosexuals from Austin while animal artificial insemination videos play on the inhouse video system.

OSU 3-1

Kansas - I apologize for making fun of Savannah State earlier. Yeah, they are suck and it's a disgrace to schedule them...but at least THEY TRY. KU hired the dumbest fattest POS loser they could find to replace their last terrible coach. Weis couldn't even be successful with the resources at Notre Dame and a yearly top 20 recruiting class...and KANSAS hires this clown? Sheee-it.

OSU 4-1

Iowa State - This is a tough one. On one hand ISU beat OSU last year when OSU actually had some good players on offense. On the other hand they are playing in Stillwater. On Krishna's 3rd hand ISU will be improved over last year. On the 4th hand OSU will be worse. On the 5th hand ISU is another Ag school, so the pig fumes and the animal insemination videos won't bother them. Going with ISU here, just to piss off T Goon Pickens.

OSU 4-2

TCU - TCU wins this one. God is on their side. Which God, I don't know. Probably Eros. Anyway, OSU loses because their unnatural relations with farm animals disturbs the almighty.

OSU 4-3

KSU - Gotta love Bill Snyder. Seriously, the man uses a lot of Rohypnol. Nearly beat OSU with vastly inferior talent last year at OSU. Gotta love Snyder's chances up in the Little Apple this year.

OSU 4-4

WVU - The Hillbillies vs the Animal Masturbators. My bad..."veterinarians and ranchers". Hillbillies run OSU's defense into the ground.

OSU 4-5

Texas Tech - This is a tough one. Tech will be likely be improved this year, although I feel Tuberville is only marginally more competent than Weis. Going with OSU on this one.

OSU 5-5

OU - Guess T-Boone didn't pay the Big 12 commish enough to play OU 3 times in a row in Stillwater. This will be a very, very, very, very, very nasty beatdown for OSU. I doubt if Stoops pulls the starters if the score gets to 70-0. OU will pour it on. Mike Gundy gets taunted by Erin Andrews after the game and goes into his "I'm a man" rant.

OSU 5-6

Baylor - Finally a team that has degraded more than OSU from last season. No RGIII, no chance, even in Baptist town.

OSU 6-6

There is my expert prediction for OSU this year. 6-6 overall, and 4-5 nonconf.

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