Retractions

Cowboys Ride For Free would like to issue a formal apology to the readers of this site for inaccurate statements in the recent article: "Bob Stoops, Cannibal Devil". We were confident in the reliability of our sources for that article, but have since been informed that said sources were: 1) a drunk, 2) a ghost, 3) a drunk ghost, and 4) a weird dream I had one time.

We formally retract the following statements from the article:

"... if you get to close to him, there is a good chance he will try to eat you in order to feed the devil inside him."

"cat lover"

"One time he forced Defensive Back [name redacted] to punch himself in the groin until he learned how to "play right". Four hours later [name redacted] had to be hospitalized where Stoops ordered a sex change to be performed."

"...love, loves Justin Bieber.."

"... wielding an ax..."

"... wears a size 4 shoe."

"Never leave a loved one alone with him unless you want that loved one to be cursed at, humiliated, judged, and possibly eaten."

"... farted right in her mouth..."

"... so I was all like, "You aren't going to slap that 104 year old woman are you?" and he just laughed. Laughed and slapped."

".. rooted for the Soviet Union in the cold war."

".. he was at Whole Foods and demanded plastic bags. When they said they didn't have plastic because of the environment or whatever, he asked them if they knew who the ____ he was and what he was capable of.... 20 minutes later the sacker was loading his groceries into a bloody plastic bag. God knows where he had to go and what he had to do to get that bag."

"really loves cats"

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