Picks From Joes

USA TODAY Sports

Another season, another assault on my liver. Let's see how this goes.

Yes, I'm alive. I know it's been like eight months since I wrote anything, but hey, I'm back now. I'm glad my first post back is a drunken hate filled rant, because my writing skills have diminished a bit. Let's do it, in chronological order:

Texas Tech at SMU: So I've done some research (and ordered a pitcher and two shots) and determined that Kliff KIngsbury is the new coach at Tech. I've also determined that I still don't give a shit. It's not that I don't like Tech, it's that I just don't care. There should be about 200 points scored in this one, but there won't be. Tech wins 35-14.

North Dakota State at Kansas State: NDSU has won two straight national championships (D2), and KSU is known to struggle against a shitty team each year (see North Texas last year,) so this one might be interesting- for about 12 minutes. The crypt keeper will win this one, 32-9.

William and Mary at West Virginia: Didn't William and Mary kill five hookers? Does anyone still laugh at that joke? Fuck it (hey look at that, 180 words before I dropped a fuck) this game sucks, WVU wins 35-10.

Mississippi State vs Oklahoma State (in Houston): Let me simply restate what I said in my predictions earlier:

"Screw you Fred Ross, enjoy losing. Pokes win, 32-17"

That's it.

Louisiana Monroe at Oklahoma: This should be an interesting game, a good test for the Stoops defense, all that shit, but I don't care because I wont' pay to see this game (any OU fan's interested, in seeing but not paying, email me, I'll let you know how. Anything to help steal money from your favorite university.) OU wins, 45-31.

Woford at Baylor: Even Jesus doesn't care about this game. Bears win 56-0. Next

Northern Iowa at Iowa State: For reasons I'll never know, the Cyclones seem hell bent on playing every team from the state of Iowa this year. That joke, much like this game, sucked. Those natty light lovers win 27-17

New Mexico State at Texas: So, I can see reasons to not rank us, I can see reasons to rank OU so low, hell I can find a reason to not rank every team in the Big 12. But the love that Texas gets, I just don't understand it. I mean fuck, David Ash is their quarterback for Christ sake. That's worth three losses right there. But it won't matter for this game, Horns win 31-14.

LSU vs TCU: I already made a good joke about this game. The real joke is how Joes waters down their liquor. I've had a pitcher and four shots, and I'm still mostly sober. Or an I a functional alcoholic? Either way, thank God football is back. Oh and TCU wins 24-23.

Go Pokes

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