Picks From Joes

Richard Rowe-USA TODAY Sports

Holy shit I almost forgot to write this thing. I'm 4 bloody marys deep and just starting. I'm going to apologize before I start.

Let's get going, it's already the first quarter of the Tulsa Iowa State tilt.

Iowa State at Tulsa- Well considering it's currently ISU 6 TU 0, anything I predict is basically shit. Both of these teams suck, like porn star suck, but oddly Tulsa is the team I'm surprised at sucking. Don't get me wrong, I feel that Iowa State fans are the spiritual kin to all us OSU fans, but God damn they suck. I don't even have a joke for how bad they suck, and no amount of lunch pail going to work bullshit will help em. That being said, I'm calling for the Clones to hold serve and win 9-0.

Oklahoma State at West Virginia- I wonder if Mountaineer fans have realized that Dana Holgerson isn't exactly a man who's big on community. From what I hear he's living in a hotel (Poke fans remember this), and is big on getting casino snacks. Which is why I love this man. I don't have a skullet, but in my early college day's I blew out my mattress getting snacks. Granted, my snacks all weighed about 250, but hey, poon is poon. I mean sure, eventually my balls swelled up and there was that itching, but eventually it went away. Oh and Pokes win 45-10.

Southern Methodist at Texas Christian- I'm ready to get to the next game, so all I have to say on this game is this:

8::::::::::::::::D-----;) That's a giant dick incase you couldn't tell. Did I mention I'm really drunk? My wife (who is really pumped about dinner at Joe's, again) is checking all the spelling and shit for me. Love you baby.

TCU wins 24-10

Oklahoma at Notre Dame- It's confession time, and it's been a while for me. Forgive me father for I have sinned, I am pulling for the Goon's this weekend. I know, it's a mortal sin, but God damn it sometimes you have to break a rule or two. Notre Dame isn't very good, but the Big 12 looks like shit this year. We're not any worse than the Big 10, ACC, or whatever the Big East is called now, but we don't look good. We're not sexy. Like everything in life, I blame Texas (Oh and I feel that I am right, the Longhorn Network *TM did ruin college football.) Beyond that, I have found exactly one other reason to pull for OU (not forever, just for this weekend.) Check this out:

Ou-twirler-girl_medium

via www.thelostogle.com

Not even that bastard horse donkey abomination can ruin that photo for me. Dat ass good lord. I might get divorced for putting that up, but when I saw that pic (and I was searching for "Asshole Sooner Fans") I realized that was worth wanting one W. Sooners win, 21-17 (I actually bet on this game, twice. Sooners to cover and took the under, so sorry Goon fans, if my betting history is any indication, I'm out $50 and you're fucked.)

Go Pokes

PS.

I got an email from a gentleman last week who thought I made OSU look bad for what I was writing. To that I say, for one this is all in fun and I'm drunk. For two, I don't care. Speaking of drunk, I noticed that about 400 people read this thing. I just want y'all to know that I love you. How much do I love you? I'm 5 bloody marys deep at $8 a piece. I need to get sponsored by somebody.

In fact I'll start a contest. Those who hate the article can send me money to quit. Those who love it can send me money to get drunker. Oh and now it's 7-0 ISU. Guess they made that extra point. Now I need a safety.

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