OSU's most famous alumnus Garth Brooks won his lawsuit over Integris Hospital of Yukon on Tuesday evening. Proving there are no fences in Rogers County, OK on finding sympathetic Garth fans to fill a jury pool, Garth was awarded $1 million, doubling his original $500,000 gift to the hospital. Garth remains committed to putting his mother Colleen Brooks' name on a hospital woman's center in Yukon, but said this honor would not be bestowed upon an Integris hospital.

All this legal Ropin The Wind has been sure to leave you, the OSU fan, In Pieces. Integris Hospital of Yukon forgot that Brooks' resources in this part of the country give him an exhaustible amount of Fresh Horses. Lest the bestowed forget, when Garth gives you a donation, he is always gonna be coming up Sevens. That is all the puns Yachoff can muster without a new Garth Brooks studio album in 11 years.

We are fans of Garth in Stillwater. Stillwater is where Garth was minted, and his stratosphere career has carried a piece of Stillwater with it. But there are fans in Stillwater, and in the world at large, that are fans in a less traditional sense. These are the Ironic. They like Garth because they think it is uncool to do so. The Ironic cannot be considered detractors of Garth because they help Garth's career by consuming his product, but they only do this a living reminder to the world that they are so hip that they, the Ironic, can survive Garth's un-coolness without detriment. Interestingly, there has arisen a subset of Ironic folks who may have started out as only Ironic, but by immersing themselves in the sweet, back-alley jubilation of the Garth, are able to transcend irony and realize that Garth Brooks is not an inhabitant on a plane where cool/uncool exists, he simply IS, and that we should all strive to be a little less caring about what other people think. Don't take Yachoff's word for it, crank up "The Dance", put on your best checkered shirt, and flow:

Bedlam brings out the worst in all of us. We yell, curse, fight, mailbomb, put sparklers into gas tanks, cut valve stems, and disown family members. OSU fans can be somewhat execrable when it comes to OU.

Here is just one reason that these squats chap our ass, espicially with the success of our team this year:

Some OU fans claim that they "root" for OSU during the season until bedlam, and then question why it is that OSU fans continually root against the Sooners. Well, theirs is a bullshit fallacy. Why should anyone root for their main rival? They feel as though we are rooting against the state of Oklahoma if we root against OU. This shows the conceited nature of the OU fan. They think that OU is every Oklahoman's collegiate representation of our state. But to us, bygod OSU is the only university that matters to us in this state. If we had our way, the Gooners could keep Oklahoma University, but it'd be in France.

For this and other reasons we hate, but hate alone will not help us transcend into better sports fans. We need graphical representations (unlike this awesome freedom of speech travesty, these are all SFW). We need modern art.

This is called "Pay for the Pizza":

Interpretation by Artist: OSU's "Old Central" is the most iconic building at OSU. It is the original home of the Bedlam bell, and Frank "Pistol Pete" Eaton fired off some rounds inside accidentally, according to legend. It is rich with OSU tradition. But even here we cannot escape the scourge of the Sooner. The Sooner can take many forms, the brain dead, fashion challenged, fat, slovenly, goon clown, or the faceless loudmouth blowhard. Here we see a beloved institution under attack by the giant unwashed goon masses and omnipresent eye of the Switzer-Castiglione crime syndicate.

(In the JUMP, every Land Squat will be famous for fifteen minutes...)

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The holidays are here at CRFF.  Thanksgiving is upon us, and Christmas (bowl season) is right around the corner.  The holidays are a tough time anyway, and the events of the last week around the OSU community have made them even tougher.  Drinking can help.  Here are some holiday drink recipes that will either be a delightful addition to your holiday meal, will make you go blind, or both:

Robert Griffin III's Colt 45 Whipping the Sooners Black Velvet:

Pour into a chilled Champagne flute or wineglass:

     3 ounces chilled "Colt 45" brand malt liquor

Fill the glass with:

     Chilled Champagne

You deserve it!  You handed the Sooners a 45-38 upset in Waco.  Why not celebrate with an icy malt beverage mixed with a sparkling white wine from the champagne region of France.  You might think that mixing these two spirits together would just ruin the complexities of both, but are you trying to get drunk or not?  Of course you aren't.  You go to Baylor.

(ONE JUMP, TWO JUMP, THREE JUMP, FLOOR)

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As you may now know, the students of West Virginia University have a tradition of setting couches alight after major victories. Or, major losses. Or, because it's Thursday. 

It is unknown to CRFF if traveling Mountaineers have ever burned a couch while visiting an opposing teams city, but since Couch Burning now comes with an arson charge in Morgantown, WV fans may want to branch out to towns in the Big12 with less stringent burn laws.  Here is a guide to all our cities' applicable fire codes for your convenience, our new 4-state away, 1000-mile separated, neighbors!

Stillwater, OK:

Allowed in City With Permit? Yes!

What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush

Special Conditions: Wind to be at no more than 5mph, Person controlling fire must be present and provide own shovels, water hoses, etc.,

Fine? $200

Norman, OK:

Allowed In City With Permit? Yes!, as long as it does not create a "public nuisance."

What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush

Special Conditions: 150 feet from any building, No burning before 3 hours after sunrise, and 3 hours before sunset.

Fine? Not less than $50 and no more than $750

(Jump, Drop the Banjo, and Pick Up the Lighter Fluid)

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Hello, sports fans!  This Saturday, the Cowboys get a well deserved rest while Cowboy fans have the tedium of watching K-State and Baylor battle for third place.  Watching the Sooners pulverize Ball State will be fun only for the special breed of Sooner who is both living vicariously through their team, *and can afford Pay-Per-View.  The highlight Saturday for Yachoff is Texas visiting Ames.  Both miraculously unbeaten, Texas can't afford to lose against a perceived bottom feeder going into the Cotton.  But football in Ames can get weird, weirder than Austin sometimes, especially as pre-game ISU revelers have been known to cause Natural Light trucks to jackknife out on I-35, the driver mangled and his cargo gone.  

So to kill the boredom of your "no Cowboy football weekend", here are some whittled gourds.  Ladies and Gentlemen, Garth Brooks:

Our Dying Allegiance to the Garth Immortalized Forever in Light

(Jump for more whittles)

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If a picture is worth 1000 words, here is today's submission.  Instead of writing an incendiary Texas A&M article on how the collie is the total pussy of the working dog class, Yachoff spent 3.5 hours making something that will sure to be kicked in on my front porch the next time Yachoff orders a pizza.  Behold, the Charles Manson OU Pumpkin. (sorry, the picture is not so good, jack-o-lantern photography is a whole art in to itself.)

Jack-o-lanterns are a great way to propagandize your home and draw the ire of your neighbors.  Please leave ideas for anti-OU pumpkins, or pro-OSU pumpkins that Yachoff can use this Halloween to piss off the parents of those stupid little kids who think their lame ass Sam Bradford jersey is a "costume".  Those children will most definitely be getting the razorblade taffy pennies in their trick or treat sacks.  If your carving idea is conceivable enough and totally awesome, maybe Yachoff will carve it.

The Summer months bring a relaxing, peaceful, pastoral feeling over the campus of Oklahoma State.  And the most tranquil, halcyon spot in all of Stillwater is the still waters of our own Theta Pond.  This pond has been an OSU institution since 1922, and is a nice place to sit back, relax, and feed the birds.  Or to go there and study, to take a date for some mild to heavy petting, or as the Stillwater homeless have shown, to drink cans of Sterno by.  Back in my "Belligerence of Pride" post, Yachoff mentioned that Haiku's of Theta Pond were scheduled for mid-August.  Well, here are the Haiku's we've promised you and that the kids these days are just CLAMORING for, weeks ahead of schedule (we don't mess around at CRFF). 

We Love The-ta Pond.
Nev-er, Walk-ing From The Strip,
In-to It Barf Gin.

Hipp-ies Love The-ta.
For-tun-ate-ly, O-S-U
Won't Ad-mit Hipp-ies.

The-ta Pond In-spires
Wat-er Co-lored Mem-o-ries
Of Beer Bongs Long Ago.

This Pond Is So Nice
You’ll Think You’re At The Oce-an.
On-ly Not Real-ly.

Go past the jump for Yachoff's dirtyier ones....

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The last in the series of three posts concerning the intersection of sports and technology.  In the first I talked about how horny I am for blogs and message boards, and the second was about fictional future technologies like fan cams.  Since the first two were basically gushing over technology, I thought I would dedicate this one to some of the inevitable negative side effects that have spawned from the technology we love.

Let's go with the list approach... what follows is a brief list of a great technology that we all love, and the unfortunate side effect that came from it:

Great Technology: ESPN. 
There was a time when the only sports info we got was in the paper, and for 3 minutes on the news.  ESPN brought it 24 hours to everyone that can afford cable.
The Negative Side Effect: Having to fill those 24 hours
There are only so many games that ESPN and the other 24 hours sports networks can get the rights to, but they have to be on the air all the time.  So what we get to fill the void are shows where 4 guys yell at each other, shows where 4 guys yell at each other and are scored based on their yelling, hour long sportscenters where 15 minutes of it is actual scores and game recaps, a College Gameday that is 90% fluff and 10% insight into games, and so on.

Jump for more examples.

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