clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Tom Osborne got a letter!!!

What's this email in my inbox?!?!



First, I must solicit your strictest confidence in this transaction. This is by virtue of its nature as being utterly confidential and "Top Secret". You have been recommended by an associate who assured me in confidence of your ability and reliability to prosecute a pending business transaction of great magnitude, requiring maximum confidence.

We are top officials of the BIG TEN panel who are interested in the importation of goods into our conference with funds which are presently confined in BIG XII. In order to commence this business, we solicit your assistance to enable us to transfer into your account, the said trapped funds.

The following represents the source of the funds. During the 1990s, you Nebraska team very prominent and good. Now you conference dominance has shifted SOUTH to other schools. You recognize that you are increased irrelevant and only way draw attention by expressing mild interest in conference transfer we suggest. We have good authority that this more than lazy marketing ploy as you feel bastardized by the lack of progress you school has make in the 2000s. Therfore and hence: PLEASE LEAVE BIG XII FOR MONEY AS SUCH:

We have agreed to share the money thus:

1. 25% for the Account Owner (you)
2. 65% for us (The Officials)
3. 10% to be used in settling all expenses (our end and your end). Incidental to the realization of this transaction.

It is from the 65% that we wish to commence the importation business. Please note that this transaction is 100% safe and we hope to conclude the transaction in at most 10 banking days from : 234-30-408550 and 234-90-408674, the date of the receipt of the following information from you by Fax through your company name and address, your bankers name and your Tel/Fax: number, bearing in mind the festivities (SUMMER – NO FOOTBALL) we are in.

As a token of our appreciation to you, we shall make available to you at less than market price as much as 7 GAMES TELEVISED REGARDLESS OF LACKLUSTER PERFORMANCE AND RECORD. Also, we make available feeling of relevency and attention to you fading program. We promise to make you program feel special.

The above information from you will enable us write letters of claim and job description respectively enabling us use your Company Name and Account details to apply for payment. We are looking forward to doing this business with you and solicit your confidentiality in this transaction. Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above Tel/Fax numbers. I will bring you into the complete picture of this pending project when I have heard from you.

Please forward to you associate at Missoury University of.

Yours Faithfully,

James E. Delaney – BIG 10 Commissioner