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The Tommy Mason-Griffin Tweet Translator

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I have a question for all of you: Why are you not following @TommyMasonGriff? Seriously guys...why are you not following @TommyMasonGriff?

If your answer to this question is any of the following:
-"I tried but went cross-eyed after reading 3 tweets."
-"Because I only speak human."
-"I was fired for phonetically reading his tweets aloud"

...then I have a fix for you that will allow you to join the army of Tommy Mason-Griffin followers....With the "Tommy Mason-Griffin Tweet Translator", you no longer have to miss out on the brilliance provided by a Tommy Mason-Griffin tweet.

How does the TMG Tweet Translator work you ask? Well you simply plug an @TommyMasonGriff tweet that you cannot decipher (all of them) into the program, and it immediately returns the intended meaning of the TMG tweet in a more readable-ish format. Enough of all this technical jargon, let's see a few examples shall we?

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Wanting Tommy Mason-Griffin's take on the Lebron spectacle?

Translation: Tommy says that Lebron is super duper, because NBA free agent time doesn't usually work in this manner.
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Stuck in a love triangle and need advice?

Translation: Don't throw away a chance at love just because I totally drilled your friend.
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Tomorrow's weather forecast?

Translation: Sunny...potnas
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Grizzy?

Translation: Grizzy
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How much better is your life now that you understand just four of Tommy Mason-Griffin's tweets? A lot better probably, right? So why don't you go ahead and get the Tommy Mason-Griffin Tweet Translator so you can understand them all! Huh..why don't yue potnas? Grizzy!