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A CRFF Interview with Brandon Weeden's Thumb

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Thumbs_up_mediumAfter being thrust into the spotlight by being one of the main topics of the Monday press conference, Brandon Weeden's Thumb is the talk of Stillwater. Brandon Weeden's Thumb has been examined, blamed, and mocked to no end over the past two weeks, and now wants to set the record straight.  For that reason, it has agreed to sit down (figuratively, thumbs can't really sit) with CRFF to give it's side of the story.

CRFF: Well first I want to thank you for talking with us, you must have a busy schedule right now between all the rehab and preparing for the Tulsa game.

BW Thumb: Ya, I'm in it up to my 3rd knuckle this week. (laughs)

CRFF: I don't get it

BWT: It's a thumb joke... we like to have a good time around here.

CRFF: Alright. So anyway, Coach Gundy was kinda calling you out at the press conference saying that he had all kinds of finger issues when he was playing but played through them... so why are you giving Brandon so much trouble?

BWT: Look...that shit is on Brandon. Sure I'm hurting, but Brandon is the one taping me up, looking at me after throws, and shaking me after fumbles. If he would just ignore me on the field then everything would be cool.

CRFF: But aren't the pain signals you are sending him causing his reaction?

BWT: Ya... I do like to fuck with him a little... you got me there.  But you don't know what it's like being Brandon's thumb.

CRFF: What do you mean?

BWT: Man... I am the thumb of a quarterback of a major university's football team, that means that I should be living it up.  Instead, all I get used for is gripping a football, holding books, and working the spatula during Brandon's weekly cookouts. It's bullshit.  Do you have any idea what other Big XII QB thumbs are doing? Hell.. we should be halfway through thumbing every girl on campus by now.

CRFF: Thumbing?  Is that really something that he does?

BWT: If I were running shit it would be.

CRFF: That seems really weird

BWT: Have you ever tried it?

CRFF: Well no... but out of curiosity I probably will now...... Anyway, we are way off topic here. All I really want to know is, are you going to be alright this weekend for the Tulsa game?

BWT: Maybe. Maybe not.

CRFF: Well at least well enough that you won't cause a victory formation fumble?

BWT: That was funny wasn't it. I showed that non-coed-thumbing son of a bitch didn't I?

CRFF: Well thanks for your time.

BWT: You aren't going to tell Brandon I did this interview are you?