Holy balls people, I'm hung the hell over. I'm in trouble with my wife, I'm possibly in trouble with the law, and to top it all off there's puke on me, but it's not mine (and I would take a shower, but I never made it home last night. I'll be divorced in two years at this rate). What was the special occasion? A rock show, but that's neither here nor there, what is important is I'm taking a crucial step towards alcoholism to bring you Picks From Joes.
We have a short schedule this week, Bebe's Kids and Te-has are taking the week off, leaving us with only 4 games. What we lack in quantity we are not making up in quality (does that even make sense?) Let's order a drink and kick this pig;
Texas Tech at Oklahoma:
The Fightin' Tortilla's look to raid Norman and pillage unholy ground. I left that so you could see what happens when you're hungover and trying to be funny, it's doesn't always work. Now then, while on paper there are a few things that Tech brings that could concern the Sooners if the game were in Lubbock, but it's in Norman so the Raiders are fucked. Simple as that. Since Stoops took over only your Oklahoma State Cowboys and the TCU Horned Frogs have beaten them at home (does that worry you Sooner fans? The only other team to beat you at home are now conference mates?). There have been a few games that were close, but not many. To break the streak (39 games I think, but don't quote me) it will take more firepower than what Tech has available. Tech is okay on offense, but given the way OU's defense can play, and it's at home, Tech will be lucky to score 10 points. There is one way Tech pulls off the upset, and that's if OU overlooks them like they did KU, (and even then, they were on the road and won by 30, so basically there's no hope). The biggest problem with that plan is the fact that the OU cheerleaders could block for Whaley and he'd still get 100 yards on the Raider D. Sorry Raider fans (all two of you who read CRFF), you're playing to cover the spread tomorrow. Goon's roll, 55-10
Get nasty on that jump and let's continue
Kansas State at Kansas
Some of you will argue that Tech at OU is a bigger game, but it's in Norman so it's not a game. At the beginning of the year I predicted that the Jayhawks would win two games, and thus far they haven't disappointed, but if they are to get to 3, this is the game. It's a rivalry game, which always helps the dog, and we saw Kansas play some decent ball against OU last week (even kept it close for an entire half), so they should give the Wildcat's a fight. Will it be enough to win? Hell no, but it shouldn't be a total blowout. The K-State D is playing pretty well, and though they don't have an explosive offense, I think an intramural team could score on the 'Hawk D. It's funny to me that Kansas regrets firing a 500lb racist asshole. Normal people enjoy firing fat people, especially assholes, but just like Zach Galifianakis in the Hangover, Mangino was KU's fat Jesus (except, you know, he made fun of people who's mothers had cancer. Now that I think about it, knowing how big a dick he was, I don't feel bad at all about making fun of that fucker. Open challenge readers, I want 10 Mangino jokes in the comments, can you do that for me?). Regardless of how many Fat-gino jokes y'all can give me, the Jayhawks won't break their losing streak this year, Wildcats roll, 35-20.
(I have a dirty secret, I ordered a regular beer, not even in a Joes cup. I apologize, but I'm trying so hard no to add to the puke on my shirt. I did order a shot though, see if that can get me going)
Texas A&M at Iowa State
Most people think I'm a dick, and hide behind the internet (which is true, I'm a big pussy in real life), but I'll give credit where it's due. The boys at Wide Right and Natty Light hate Texas A&M with a passion that I just can't match, but love reading. Don't believe me? Look at this. And this. And this. Da-yum. I went after Missouri (FUCK MISSOURI) earlier in the week, but I'm just a padawan compared to those boys. They have also proved an internet truth, if you wanna drive up views and comments, go after the Ag's or Florida State (right now JTE is nodding and cursing the Seminoles under his breath). Now then, after sucking off the WRNL boys let's look at the actual game. The Cyclones started off hot, knocking off Iowa and Connecticut and starting 3-0, before dropping 3 straight. The Aggies started off well enough, against crap opponents, before the Pokes knocked em off. They fell the next week to Arkansas, before winning at Tech and at home against Baylor. The problem for Iowa State is, where the Aggies progressed, it seems the Cyclones have regressed. Last week against Missouri it appeared they forgot that tackling was a part of football. What will it take for ISU to pull out the W? Run the ball. Run that motherfucker all day. Keep A&M's offense on the sideline and tucker out that D. I'm serious, scrap the playbook, install a wishbone, and run. What's that you say? You say ISU ranks 61st in rushing offense (as well as passing, odd), and their leading rusher only averages 64 yards a contest? To hell with that, run a wishbone, but a reserve lineman in at fullback, and run a train on A&M like they're a Fillipeano hooker (funny side note, it's safer to bareback a Fillipeano hooker than it is the Lubbock High prom queen). I don't think State can pull out the W, God willing they do, but I can't pick them; Texas A&M wins 45-35.
(That shot damn near did me in. And I'm still nursing this beer. I'm so sorry, I'm trying damnit)
Oklahoma State at Missouri
Who has the worst fanbase in the country? Missouri. The only people who have good things to say about the Mizzou fans apparently have never met any. Now then, I'm going to give you the quickest preview ever. Missouri has a top 15 offense and a top 30 defense. After a few tough losses, all on the road against ranked opponents, the Tigers spanked Iowa State last week. Their defense is pretty good, but is weak against the pass (you hear that shit Weeden, getcha popcorn ready. Oh, and for fucks sake, don't throw to Blackmon every play, thanks). The heart of their D is their front seven (13 sacks through 6 games), but given how our O-line is playing, I doubt they'll pressure Weeden much (especially after Texas, when they saw literally every blitz and stunt in the book). The Tiger offense starts and ends with James Franklin. Throw out Western Illinois and he's averaging around 80 yards rushing a game, and around 250 yards passing. Henry Josey has come on to give the Tigers a decent rushing attack (I believe he was a normal student pulled from the crowd after having 13 RB's go down to injury).With Josey going for about 120 a game, add those numbers and we're going to give up 200 on the ground, and if we hold Missouri under that we win going away. The key is to shut down the pass, make them one dimensional, and hope that our guys up front can contain the run. Their D won't be able to stop us all day, and so long as we don't let Missouri break big plays, we should come home with a W. It also helps that the game is at 11am, which doesn't give those pricks time to get super drunk. Also, this team is so composed, the road doesn't mean much to them. I think last week was a wake up call to stay focused, and I think we're gonna spank Missouri. It also helps that all our players have heard all week from the local media is how they'll be upset this weekend. Fuck. All. That. If this team, this year, is going to compete for the Big 12 (and possibly the entire thing), these are games we must win, and I believe we will win, 42-27
(Well, I managed to get another brew down, but I think I'm gonna go home and take a nap, for the rest of today. What a bitch I am sometimes)