As you may now know, the students of West Virginia University have a tradition of setting couches alight after major victories. Or, major losses. Or, because it's Thursday.
It is unknown to CRFF if traveling Mountaineers have ever burned a couch while visiting an opposing teams city, but since Couch Burning now comes with an arson charge in Morgantown, WV fans may want to branch out to towns in the Big12 with less stringent burn laws. Here is a guide to all our cities' applicable fire codes for your convenience, our new 4-state away, 1000-mile separated, neighbors!
Stillwater, OK:
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes!
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush
Special Conditions: Wind to be at no more than 5mph, Person controlling fire must be present and provide own shovels, water hoses, etc.,
Fine? $200
Norman, OK:
Allowed In City With Permit? Yes!, as long as it does not create a "public nuisance."
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush
Special Conditions: 150 feet from any building, No burning before 3 hours after sunrise, and 3 hours before sunset.
Fine? Not less than $50 and no more than $750
(Jump, Drop the Banjo, and Pick Up the Lighter Fluid)
Austin, TX
Allowed in City With Permit? No.
But LOOPHOLE ALERT: You can claim the couch burning is a part of a "Public Assembly" such as a religious or political demonstration.
Special Conditions: WV fans will have to hold the couch upright in their hands as if it were a candle. It’s all very technical.
What Can Be Burned? Anything that can be held in your hands while burning.
Fine? $250
Fort Worth, TX:
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes! Or no... Maybe?
What Can Be Burned? Anything, as long as you have the right lawyer...
Special Conditions: Too esoteric and dense to list here....
Fine? Not to exceed $2,000.
Lubbock, TX
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes! For $350!
What Can Be Burning? Wood, Brush, A Case of the Clap Caught From a TT Co-ed.
LOONEY LUBBOCK LAWS!!!: It is against the law to smoke in a hotel or motel bed while in Lubbock. It would be a shame to burn down that fine Motel 6 collection they have going there, too.
Fine? Not to exceed $2,000
Waco, TX:
Allowed in City With Permit? Only if the ATF, the FBI, and Janet Reno are involved.
What can be burned? Wood, Brush, 7th Day Adventists
Special Conditions: Must remain inside your home for 50 days, praying and cleaning your arsenal of automatic weapons, while listening to Nancy Sinatra music on military-grade loudspeakers FULL BLAST. Only then will the ATF, FBI, and Janet Reno let you know it’s time to start burning.
Lame/Offensive Branch Davidian Joke Quota Exceeded For Baylor Match-Up This Weekend? Check!
Ames, IA
Allowed in City With Permit? No.
What Can Be Burned? Nothing.
DID YOU KNOW?... That despite their strict fire ordinances, you can’t spell ‘ISU football is again, this season, going down in flames’, without A-M-E-S? IT’S TRUE
Fine? $500 for first offenders, $750 for any subsequent violation.
Lawrence, KS
Allowed in City With Permit? Yes!
What Can Be Burned? Wood, Brush, Memorial Stadium for all the Jayhawks care.
Fine? No less than $500, and no more than $2,500.
Manhattan, KS:
Allowed in City With Permit?Yes!
What Can Be Burned: Wood, Brush, Pictures of Ron Prince
Fine? $500
Special Conditions: Bill Snyder Says: "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT COUCH FIRES"
