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Why You Should Not Make Marriage Proposals Public

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Most of us males have been there.... you find the right girl, you want to marry her, and you want her to be swept off her feet by the proposal.  Throughout your relationship, you have shown this special girl a side of yourself that no one else has ever seen... you are vulnerable with her, you have cried in front of her, you make little baby talk with her, you have probably even written a poem for her, and all of that has to be rolled into this proposal in order to make it special and memorable.  This is a magical moment between the two of you. The flip side of this is that the process of making this moment magical requires doing many things that if your friends or the public were privy too would cause your nuts to shrink to nothing due to the sheer embarrassment of those that aren't your special someone seeing a glimpse into your magical/vulnerable side.  For these reasons, proposals are typically private affairs that allow for the male to be a blubbering, poem-reading, baby-talking, crying fool, and create a special moment for the couple.  The last thing you want to do is let the public in on your magic.

I have proposed marriage myself.  Were there any photographic, video, sound or other evidence of any kind of the existence of this proposal, it would be denied and a court ordered block would be slapped on it harder than the alleged Blake Lively sex tape.  I don't want that version of me in the public eye.  And only like 12 people (counting my parents) know who I am!  My public eye is nothing. When you are the quarterback of one of the biggest football programs in the country, you have an gigantic spotlight on your entire life, and more people looking to make fun of you and for reasons to tear you down.

I feel you Landry.  I have been there. I am happy that you have found love.  I hope you had a beautiful proposal night and many more beautiful nights over the next 50 years with each other.  But for the love of God, keep that shit private, and especially keep it off of Twitter. 

Or else, this:


Becomes this:


And if I know the internet, really anything is possible at this point.

I was very kind with these because, as I said above, I understand.  But I can't run a site like this and just let something like this completely go can I?  It's basic blog-science.



I can't even express how tempted I was to get ridiculous with this assignment, and how proud I am of my restraint.  I did however leave a perfectly easy to photoshop image before the jump that anyone with basic skills could manipulate to their liking.  If you do this, please email said photo to me so I can indulge my evil, Landry Jones-hating side.