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The Top 25 Dirtiest Athletic Programs In College History VI: The End

Thank merciful Christ, the LSDBI website is up again. It was probably down while the NCAA uploaded all 438 pages of the OU report (Will there be a last minute adjustment to the list? We'll see). No need for an intro, here were are, the top two, the only two programs to have accumulated nine (or even 8) major infractions. And see parts 1-5 for the rest of the list.

2: Arizona State University- 9 Major Infractions

Welcome to the 9's my friends. Those programs who stand apart, two major infractions worse than the best of the rest. Kicking the top 2 off is the Arizona State University Sun Devils (even their name is dirty), who have quite a rap sheet. 16 years of probation, 7 years of postseason ban's, and 4 years of television ban's. Hell yes, but what set's them apart from the rest of the schools is the amount of sports involved in cheating there. While most schools only cheat at basketball or football (you know, sports people actually give a shit about) ASU has raised the bar for equality, receiving major infractions in nine separate sports. Starting way back in 1954 (yup, one year after the NCAA started it's enforcement side) the football team received a one year postseason ban and two years of probation for transporting recruits, as well as paying them from an outside fund (not original, OU started one back in 1946, but effective). Moving along to 1959 the football team took it to the next level, flying 10 prospective athletes to campus and giving them free housing while they enrolled. They also took 9 of the 10 to the grand canyon for a few days, all expenses paid. The NCAA was still a bit pissed at the prior football indiscretions, and handed ASU another two years of probation, an extra year postseason ban, and a two year TV ban. Click the jump for more:

Following this there was a two decade period during which no NCAA violations occurred, and apparently ASU decided they were doing something wrong. So in 1980 the football team, along with the men's track team were busted in a recruiting scandal. After 23 of these write ups I think y'all know whats coming. Yup, paying for recruit transportation, giving cash to current players, falsifying academic records, and all that jazz. About the only thing interesting the Devils did was send a few players to a different school to get a few credits to stay eligible, except that they just made up the school. Yes, you didn't misread that. ASU simply created a school and gave players transfer credits to keep them eligible. I love it. For all this nonsense a football coach was given a recruiting show cause penalty. (This is one area I wish I had done a better job of, explaining show cause penalties. You see, show cause do not simply prevent a person from working, though they can. All a show cause penalty means, really, is that the person receiving the penalty must show a good reason as to why they shouldn't be punished further. So, as in this case, they university must show why it shouldn't receive more punishment if a certain coach is allowed to continue recruiting, but the coach was not fired. Got it? Good) Along with that the football team was given a one year postseason ban and a two year television ban. The track team was reprimanded, and the athletic department received two years of probation. Not content to rest on it's laurels the rest of the 80's, ASU got in more trouble in 1985. This time it was baseball, men's gymnastics, and men's wrestling (is their a womens? And if so, why don't I know about it?), all for improper financial aid. The results of this were a vacation of wins in which ineligible players participated, two years probation, and a one year postseason ban for baseball. This cost the Sun Devils baseball and wrestling teams a conference championship, and gym sucked so it really didn't lose anything. In 1986 men's basketball got their first piece, with improper recruiting inducements, out of season practice, and extra benefits. Somehow God smiled on them and they avoided repeat offender status (for now), and only received one year of probation and lost a scholarship. Remember how 12 words ago I said they avoided repeat offender status? Yeah, well they didn't in 1988, when men's and women's track were busted. The charges are weak, a $15 cash payment, one plane ticket, and a few free meals. But two things made this a big deal; first, ASU officials and coaches lied to the NCAA (they hate that, so very very much), and second they were hit with repeat offender status. Track received a one year postseason ban, no away meets for a year, limited the number of total meets for two years, and no official visits or recruiting of any kind for two years. Damn, but it gets worse for track. Moving along to 1997, track was once again the focus of the violations. Same kinda stuff, paid for meals, paid for gas, bought a few flights, and wound up eating the NCAA's swinging dick (penis joke quota met). Both head coaches (men's and women's were in on this) were fired, they lost 40% of their scholarships for two years, vacate all wins from 1996, another postseason ban, and two more years of probation. The Sun Devils made it almost ten whole years without another violation (but not quite) when football was busted in 2005. This one, is in my humble opinion, my favorite violation, ever. A compliance official, (you know, the people who are supposed to stop NCAA violations) was giving a football player her car, her credit card, cash, forging his academic records, and doubling his financial aid. Oh, and she was banging him. Yes, she wasn't a hooker, she was a sugar mamma. The best part is that the player self reported to his coaches, when she went all batshit crazy and started stalking him. Since the university took immediate action, fired the lady and declared the kid ineligible, the NCAA spared them a spanking. ASU only received two years of probation, whereas the former compliance official received a six year show cause penalty, and a 90 day restraining order. Finally, in 2010 (last year), the baseball team wrapped up States dealings with the NCAA, when they were paying athletes for work not performed and using an outside recruiter. They were given three years of probation, a one year postseason ban, loss of scholarships, reduction in recruiting, and the former head coach (cough*PatMurphy*cough) was given a one year show cause penalty. I'm glad a school with such a diverse cheating portfolio could rise all the way to number 2 on my list. Are you ready for number one? Let's do it.


1: Southern Methodist University- 9 Major Infractions

I really wanted another team to be number one, to be different, but when I compared SMU head to head with ASU, SMU won all major categories (total years of probation, tv and postseaon bans). Lets do this (after 25,000 words, I'm as ready as y'all for this shit to end). Of their 9 infractions, football was involved in 8 of them (and the sole sport involved in 7 of them). Starting in 1958 there was a minor recruiting infraction in football resulting in one year of probation. Again in 1965 a university representative provided a recruit with airfare to and from the school, resulting in two years of probation and a two year postseason ban. In 1974 football and basketball united to piss the NCAA off. They were slinging comp tickets to players like crack rocks on a Compton corner (and the players were pocketing the money from selling them). They provided transportation and lodging for players families and recruits, and they also provided improper entertainment. (Hey, were do you think the 5 hookers Craig James* killed came from? Oh, and never doubt that Craig James* killed 5 hookers.) The university received two years of probation, basketball received one year each of TV and postseason ban, while football got two years. The football team couldn't even stay clean for one year, getting an extra year of probation and a reduction of scholarships in 1976 for improper recruiting, extra financial aid, and improper entertainment. Now comes the 80's, where the wheels fell off (for football), as they say. Starting in 1981 we have extra benefits, improper tryouts (off season), and extra financial aid. All this netted the Mustangs one year each of TV and postseason ban, and two years of probation. (That last part is sorta important) In 1985 (a year after the probation ended, but still realm of being called a repeat offender) SMU was busted for more of the same, paying players and giving extra benefits (for a more detailed rundown see the ESPN documentary, it's quite good). This made SMU subject to "enhanced penalties", which consisted of a one year TV ban, a two year postseason ban, and three years of probation, as well as a reduction in scholarships and four show cause penalties for assistant coaches in recruiting. Two years later, in 1987, the hammer finally fell. It was discovered that athletic staff helped funnel $61,000 in payments to players from boosters (these payments dated all the way back to 1980, including; Eric Dickerson driving a Trans Am his senior year, and 5 hooker killer Craig James* sporting a Rolex during his junior campaign.) Since these violations occurred during a probation period, the NCAA determined that SMU had no control over it's booster or football program, and issued the death penalty. SMU couldn't compete during the 1987 season, couldn't recruit for two years, couldn't issue a scholarship for two years, 9 boosters given show cause penalties and life bans, and finally no practice for one year. This crippled the football program, but didn't stop them from cheating, (something about assholes in Texas, they just don't give a shit. They make the honeybadger look like gives many shits, and we all know he doesn't give a shit) and football was once again busted in 2000 for an academic fraud scandal that resulted in vacated wins, reduction in scholarships, a seven year show cause penalty for an assistant, and two years of probation. Finally we wrap up the Pony Express in 2011, when the basketball team pulled a Kelvin Sampson and made a few too many texts and phone calls, and were given two years of probation. Holy shit, it's finally over, and while my SMU segment was a bit short (by top 10 standards) they have been dissected so many times that it's boring now. And really, they always stuck to the script, they paid players and recruits and then lied about it.

There it is friends, the worst cheaters in history. I hope you have enjoyed this list, as it sucked compiling it. Some fun facts about cheating, Oklahoma State assistant Willie Anderson received a 12 year show cause penalty for his part in the 1988 scandals, which is the longest show cause penalty ever issued. In fact, only 57 schools in the NCAA (out of over 1,200) have ever dealt with any form of a show cause penalty. 15 schools have received a five year probation sentence (the longest single probation run the NCAA issues), while Centenary College in Shreveport Louisanna is the only school to receive a five year TV and postseason ban, and five years of probation in one shot. Well guys, hoped you enjoyed it, cause I will never write anything this long again. Oh and I only spent about a minute editing this, so if you want to point out an spelling errors and grammatical mistakes, you're an ass.

Last minute editors note: Today it was revealed that the University of Oklahoma will receive at least one major infraction for actions of the men's basketball team. This will move the Sooners to 8 major infractions, and sole possession of 3rd place on the list. Congratulations Sooners, welcome to the top 3 (and my condolences to the Golden Gophers, but I bet you can make a run at the top again.)

Go Pokes