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The Top 25 Dirtiest Athletic Programs in College History III: The Marsupials

Welcome back friends, it's Friday again, which means it's cheating time. Yes, as we close in on the top 10 we begin to separate the men from the boys. Up this week have a slew of basketball schools who prove that no matter the sport, cheating is cool. Also a slight change, but I'll explain the reason at the end. Lets fire this bitch up.

15. University of Illinois- 6 Major Infractions

Over the years a couple of things about the fighting Illini become clear. First, the care way more about basketball than they do football, suffering 11 years of probation for success on the court. Second, they do indeed have a stupid mascot. Starting in 1967 the Illini have been busted 6 times for major infractions, 5 of those involving basketball. In 1990 they were hit with the stiffest penalties when, while still on probation, they were found to have committed more major violations. These were inventive, too, ranging from falsifying identities to give out free tickets to giving favorable loan terms to players families. Yes, the Illini actually created a false person so they could claim him as a players family and give him money and free tickets. Say this in your best Mortal Kombat voice, "Impressive". They gave out what amounted to $3500 worth of free tickets which the players then sold. They also gave high school coaches the chance to purchase championship tickets at student prices. They were slapped with the dreaded LOIC and repeat violator status, and had another 3 years added to their probation and a one year post season ban. A booster was removed from the program, coaches salaries frozen for a year, and reduction in complimentary tickets. Basketball cheating is so entertaining, and it seems so widespread. On to another basketball school.

14. University of California- 6 Major Infractions

Cal has spent a total of 12 years on probation, with half the last decade on probation stemming from allowing ineligible football players to play, and then lying about it. Cheating fuckers. They also had to vacate all wins from the 1999 season. The football team was also bitch slapped back in 1988, when they were busted for a bout of academic fraud, when a student adviser took two prospective student athletes to a community college and arrange to have unearned credits added to their transcript. And by "arranged" I mean broke into the records office. Why he took the two players, I don't fucking know. But really, that's just dumb. The basketball team is not without fault, in 1997 an assistant coach arranged to and paid a parent of a recruit $30,000 to secure the services of the student. Considering it took almost $200k to get Cam Newton and win a NC, 30k is a steal. Unless you get caught. What was the penalty for that? Well first Cal had to return 90% of the money made from the NCAA tournament. Second, they had to vacate all wins from 94-96, and finally lost to scholarships over the next two years (99 and 2000). Most recently (really recently) in 2011 Cal was punished by daddy for too many telephone calls to recruits, which resulted in 2 years probation. Now, after all the shit Kelvin Sampson got in, it amazes me that people still do this. Seriously, buy a burn phone so the NCAA can't track you. But they got out okay, just 2 years probation.

13. University of Kansas- 6 Major Infractions

On of basketball's all time greatest programs is also one of basketball's cheatingest programs. The Jayhawks have spent 11 years on probation, and have spent 4 years banned from television. Starting in 1957 with illegal recruiting inducements and transportation, then 1960 with extra benefits, Kansas is no stranger to the NCAA. The biggest case occurred in 1988, and they made that shit count. This is the longest list of infractions in one incident I've seen so far,

IMPERMISSIBLE RECRUITING: airline ticket provided by athletics representative; local automobile transportation provided by coaches; loan, local automobile transportation and clothing provided by athletics representatives; payment for work not performed; head coach provided cash for an airline ticket; lodging on a credit basis; basketball shoes; impermissible involvement of an athletics representative in off-campus recruiting; meals; assistance in purchasing an airline ticket; entertainment during official visit more than 30 miles from campus. ERRONEOUS CERTIFICATION OF COMPLIANCE. LACK OF INSTITUTIONAL CONTROL. REPEAT VIOLATOR.

Damn, there you go KU, get that shit done son. Now we're getting somewhere. But I know we have better to come. If we fast forward to 2006 the Jayhawks made a hell of a run at topping the '88 list of violations, but fell just short. In 06 Kansas had a bit of an academic fraud problem in the football team, and they also managed to get in trouble recruiting basketball as well. Reach for the stars Kansas. They gave some recruits brother football and movie tickets, flew another recruit 1000 miles round trip to watch KU compete in the NCAA tournament (where I assume he realized they choke and chose another school) and gave two other recruits cash and clothing (does anyone really wonder why KU cleans up on the recruiting trail?). Oh, almost forgot, they also paid a recruits AAU coach $4500 (AAU really is the worst thing ever). Now, on to the football team. Fatgino was still the coach, and knowing him endorsed all cheating efforts (but not as much as he endorsed little Debbie). Basically what happened was a GA gave to JUCO players answers to a test to help get them eligible to attend the illustrious University of Kansas. All of these things resulted in 3 years probation, reduction in basketball scholarships over 3 years, reduction in off campus visits, as well as the graduate assistant getting a sweet show cause penalty. Did I forget anything? Yes, a booster also received a 4 year ban from association with the university. Now, while the athletic department avoided punishment from the NCAA I have to mention that ticket scandal that resulted in major jail time for several involved that wrapped up this year. Cheat on Jayhawks, cheat on.

12. University of Memphis- 6 Major Infractions

Memphis has quite a tradition of cheating, dating all the way back to 1958. (I feel that it's important to note that before 1953 the NCAA didn't track major infractions, so while I'm sure that most schools on this list have cheated way the hell more than listed, we're only going back as far as '53.) In 58 the Memphis was busted for using 3 ineligible athletes, which resulted in a two year postseason ban as well as two years probation, a good start. In 1979 the Tigers really began to hit their stride, getting caught paying several student athletes in both basketball and football, and providing cash to their families for signed letters of intent, as well as giving one prominent basketball player a car. Oh and they signed a false letter of compliance. Sweet. This got them a year tv ban, a two year postseason ban, and another year of probation. In 1986 they once again paid some athletes, gave some improper indictments, had some ineligible players, and got fucking smacked for it. These violations occurred in 3 sports, football and mens and womens basketball, resulting in the vacation of a final 4 appearance for both basketball programs and the return of all revenue gained from participation in those events. Oh, almost forgot, the mens basketball program had to vacate all victories from 82-86, damn that's harsh. A booster also got das boot for his involvement. A couple small knocks in the 90's for mainly procedural shit, nothing major (though they were major infractions) until 2009, when Memphis once again got the pimp hand from the NCAA (also the year John Calipari skipped out for Kentucky, who we will get to in just a bit) when it was determined that Derrik Rose had a falsified SAT score, and his brother had been allowed to travel with the team on their dime. Now, this might have shocked Calipari, but anyone who ever heard an interview with Rose was not surprised, that fucker makes Adrian Peterson sound like a Nobel laureate. Also the women's golf team was getting their cheat on. In the end Calipari had yet another Final 4 vacated, and lost about 30 wins (not like he actually gives a shit, he's a dick). Women's golf got caught giving improper benefits and unethical conduct by the head coach. In the end the coach was fired and Memphis got 3 years probation.

"But King" you say, "you totally forgot number 11, you stupid fucker". True, but due to the violations that 10 and 11 compiled I could not decided who should be 10 and who should be 11, so next week you get 10-a and 10-b. And it's good shit next week, I promise, as we are going big time, doing 10-4 so the top 3 get an entire post to themselves. Imagine that, 7 schools- 1 post. I'm excited. As always, keep on cheating you crazy crazy diamonds, a Go Pokes.