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Four Things I Would Rather Talk About Than Conference Realignment

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Raise your hand if you are as sick of this conference realignment crap as I am. I tried to tell you all the first time that this was going to be a pain in the ass.

Here's my solution. Everyone buy a 12 pack of 'stones and turn off your ridiculous twitter accounts for 24 hours. It's bad enough that all this talk is overshadowing the fact that college football is less than three weeks away. But now everyone and their mom has an update about this whole "A&M to the SEC" fiasco and nobody knows what the hell is actually going on! I seriously just had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: "So I saw a tweet saying Texas legislation may not let this happen?"

Natalie Portman: "That tweet was sooo five hours ago. Now the SEC is saying they are fine with twelve teams."

Me: "Oh, so it's over?"

Natalie Portman: "Not by a long shot. Did you not read the newest tweet saying that the move is still on the table?"

Me: "When was that tweeted?!"

Natatlie Portman: "Five seconds ago. Duh."

Me: "I don't care how hot you are, I'm two seconds away from punching you in the babymaker."

What I said three or so weeks ago applies more now than ever before. If Texas A&M wants the SEC and the SEC wants Texas A&M the state that Texas A&M resides in, fine. Get it over with already. This is utterly stupid. I'm done reading, hearing, and talking about this.

With that said, here are four things I'd rather talk about right now:

1. Baylor QB, Robert Griffin III, being seventy times better than Brandon Weeden and Landry Jones. Don't believe me? 7,000 wide receiver screens would tell you otherwise. He completes them with a certain flare that Weeden and Jones can only aspire to achieve just once in their respective careers. And obviously Griffin's running ability makes Barry Sanders look like Jon Daly. Sure, Weeden may have rushed for more yards than Griffin in last year's Baylor/OSU game, but that's only because Griffin's massive penis (which your girlfriend loves, by the way) happened to be really, really heavy that day.

Click the jump for the rest of the list.

2. OU's chances of winning the Big 12 basketball championship. Sound it out, OU fans. Bas-ket-ball. Obviously, they got rid of all the bad apples and talentless NBA draft picks that were plaguing their squad and holding them back from inevitable conference domination. With a new energetic young inspiring justifiably paid AARP card carrying coach on board, it is obvious that the program is set to recapture the glory it never had in the first place. Now, some of you may say "Royal, what about the possible NCAA infractions looming over the basketball program's head?" And to that I would laugh at you and say "You know we're talking about OU, right? They beat NCAA infractions like James Bond beats STDs."

3. The eight Texas fans that still think Garrett Gilbert can be a great quarterback. Or the five Texas fans that still have faith in the offensive line. Or the two Texas fans that think the Longhorns are going to win the national championship. Or just anything that Texas fans are feeling confident about this upcoming season. Mack Brown's decision making? Colt McCoy's wife's pregame locker room speech?

4. The Longhorn Network. Seriously. I'd rather go back to talking about that than listen to one more word about conference realignment. In fact, at this point I think I'd rather watch a high school football game on the LHN with the announcers on the field talking to highly touted recruits about why they should go to UT. I'd rather watch the camera man make his way over to Matthew McConaughey on the sideline so that he can talk about his newest shitty chick flick movie while hitting on a bevy of underage girls. "Alright, alright, alright." No Matthew, it's not alright. You're creepy as hell. And you have a receding hairline. But still, listening to your incoherent ramblings is better than one more word about conference realignment.