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Oklahoma State Football Preview Series: Sizing Up The Tulsa Golden Hurricane

With two non-conference previews in the books, that only leaves one last team: The oh-so-mighty Golden Hurricane (which coincidentally is exactly what piss looks like as it travels down a toilet). As the majority of you know, OSU played this "fierce" opponent last year in Stillwater. I vaguely remember the trash talk that came from the fans donning the blue and gold. Something about their offense being unstoppable. Something about OSU's offense not having the manpower to go toe-to-toe with them.

The final score, you ask? 65-28 in favor of the Pokes. But don't let the score fool you--it wasn't that close. It was 41-7 at the half and 58-7 before Gundy finally called off the dogs. I think Brandon Weeden's twelve year old brother took snaps in the fourth quarter.

So afterward, TU fans did what they do best; they became Sooner fans. Never have I seen a fanbase so quickly jump ship to the traditional state favorite just to feel a sense of pride. Pretty pathetic. And that my friends is exactly why I hope OSU curb stomps the Toilet Piss once more this year. Only this time, it will be in TU's Chapman Stadium aka "The 4th largest high school stadium in the state." 

Clicky for more analysis...y.

Ok, I'll give Tulsa some credit. They did finish the season strong by winning their last seven games. That included a proper bowl game beatdown of Hawaii to the tune of 62-35. They regrouped and finished with a ten win season. They had the fanbase all excited for an even greater 2011 finish--and then their coach jumped ship to the Big East. Ouch. That's ok, though. From what I hear nobody even on his own staff liked Todd Graham very much. His replacement is former Union High School head coach, Bill Blankenship.

***Fun Fact!*** Former head coach, Todd Graham and former OSU offensive coordinator Dana Holgorsen don't exactly have the greatest past and relationship. They've gone head to head on the field multiple times and well, in not so many words, Holgorsen has called Graham a cheater. So how appropriate is it that they now each coach schools in the Big East that are rivals with eachother (Pitt and West Virginia)? Who would like to be on the field for those post game handshakes? You would. That's who.

Anyway, back to the ensuing slaughter that will be OSU versus TU 2011. Let's break down the Toilet Piss team, shall we?

Offense: TU is led by returning QB, G.J. Kinne. The Texas Longhorn transfer found a home with Tulsa a couple years back and has been the starter ever since. Honestly, the kid is a good QB. Certainly one that Mack Brown wishes he had right now. Whoops. Last year he threw for over 3600 yards and 31 TDs. He also led the team in rushing yards and attempts. Yeah, their running back situation wasn't exactly great. From all reports, they look to fix that this year but I'd wait before going to Vegas with that bet.

TU does return ten players on offense so they have plenty of experience. Their skill players are all talented and they are led in that area by wide receiver, Damaris Johnson. Though he is only 5' 8" and 170 pounds, this kid can flat out play. He is also their special teams return man. He currently leads the NCAA in all-time kickoff return yards and still has his upcoming senior season to play. Not too shabby.

Basically, the offense will be good. It will probably finish in the top 10 in the nation. Unfortunately for the Toilet Piss, most of those huge stats will come against C-USA members.

Defense: Hahaha, ok let's move on to something else.

Just kidding (I shouldn't be), I'll do a summary. TU returns nine guys on D so they, like the offense, do have a lot of experience coming back. The problem is how good is that experience? They finished 110th out of 120 teams in total defense last season. They gave up 6.2 yards per play (103rd in the nation). They allowed over 30 points per game.

On the mildly plus side, they have a pair of young talented safeties in Dexter McCoil and Marco Nelson. These two both rank in the nation's top 10 in interceptions. So basically, just run the ball against TU and you should beat them handily. Simple enough.

In the end, the Toilet Piss look to have the offensive firepower to conquer C-USA but will simply get out-athleted (it's a word, you dicks) by their superior non-conference foes (OU, OSU, Boise St). Who the hell set that schedule up, by the way? TU probably has their best team ever and they are going to go into the conference slate with a 1-3 record. I guess that means the OU jerseys will come on a little sooner quicker than usual.

Despite the game being played in TU's stadium, I suspect half of the seats will be filled with OSU orange. So long, homefield advantage. In a conservative guess, I predict the Cowboys to win by at least three touchdowns. Sorry TU closet OU fans.