clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Picks From Joes Week 5

Will this week end any better for the Ag's? Eh, probably not, but what do I know, I'm kinda drunk.
Will this week end any better for the Ag's? Eh, probably not, but what do I know, I'm kinda drunk.

Is it really that time already? I'll admit, today's going to be tough on me, I'm kinda hungover. But, I'm sure a little hair of the dog will get me straight. I spent a few hours last night watching Pittsburgh kick South Florida around like a small child, and while doing so I knocked back a few PBR tallboys, and it was a good evening.

First things first, how did last week go. Well, okay I guess, 4-1, with two surprises. First, Kansas State winning was completely unexpected (by me, Sam called that), and second was Oklahoma not dominating Missouri. They still won by double digits, but not by the 45 points I predicted. That brings me to 26-4 on the season (though I'm only picking winners, not against the spread).

Again this week we have 5 games to pick, and with the Cowboys on a bye week I'll have time to watch some others play a little ball. What games am I looking forward to? Well, in the Big 12 I'm ready to see if the fightin' Steele Jantz are legit, or if Texas is "back" (though, according to them, they've been back for 4 weeks, after beating BYU by a point). I'm also looking to see if Kansas State's defense is legit, or if RG3 is the real deal (hint, he's not). Out of conference I'm pumped for the Bama-Florida tussle, as well as the Nebraska-Wisconsin bout, and the Clemson-V Tech game.

There will be no beer this week, only liquor. I've been accused of picking angry, so I'm going to see if it's the booze or the beer that makes me do that. To nurse my body back into drinking shape I'm going to start off with a Bloody Mary (that, and it's 10:20).

Ball State at Oklahoma

In what will be more like an intra-squad scrimadge than an actual football game, the mighty Sooners (who, never shy away from competition, and schedule heavyweights like Ball State and then make fun of other peoples schedules) take on the Cardinals of Ball State. (note, that first Mary was good, and is now gone. Round two is on the way. This might get interesting before the end.) While the Cards' shouldn't be much of a challenge, they are 3-1 on the year, having beaten Indiana (wonder if Kevin Wilson knows he made a mistake yet), and only losing at South Florida. Now, I think that OU is better than USF, and I think that Gaylord Caverns is a tougher place to play than Raymond James, and all these things mean I think the Goon's will win, and win big (or at least they better, after only beating Missouri by 10 the OU faithful were ready to quit the season, fire Stoops, and burn Norman to the ground. God, I hope we never get like that, oh, and the second drinks is gone as well. I should really slow down, but hey, its a party right?) OU wins going away, 55-3.

More fun and alcohol after the jump

Texas Tech at Kansas

I really don't know what to say about this game. Kansas sucks. Tech sucks. This could be for last place in the conference. I just don't see any way for the 'Hawks to pull it out. Their defense can't stop my intramural team. Seriously, for the first time, possible ever, they are dead last in every major defensive category, Usually you can only be last in one, maybe two at the most, and close in the others, but Kansas is dead fucking last in rushing defense, passing defense, scoring defense, and total defense. Through 3 games they are giving up an average of 550 yards and 44 points. The Tech defense isn't great, but hell, one stop outta be enough (considering the Tech offense is pretty good, this one will get ugly, fast). Tech rolls, 49-21

(ordered a Long Island Iced Tea, the beginning of the end y'all)

Texas at Iowa State

I've hit up all my sources and managed to get a sneak peak at the ISU game plan, and I'm going to expose it here, for every Longhorn coach to see. Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steele Jantz Steel Jantz Steele Jantz. That's it, but even knowing this it doesn't matter. Steele Jantz is the Bear Woods of the Big 12 (but no one is the actual Bear Woods). I'm curious to see if the Cyclones can stop the McCoy to Shipley combination (note, in this incarnation of the McCoy to Shipley sex fest, Shipley is the better one), and if they can they have a great opportunity to win this game. I'm not in any way sold on this Texas team, they've played crap teams and survived, and I think Iowa State makes it two in a row, and edges even closer to that elusive bowl game, and wins a close one, 28-27

(I crushed that LIT, now I'm fairly close to being fucked up. Usually it takes a while to kick in, but I've been here a little over an hour I'm starting to slow down on writing. Every other word I have to back up and correct. If it wasn't for the spell check this thing would be unreadable. But that didn't stop me from ordering another round)

Baylor at Kansas State

The Bears travel to the little apple for their first road game this season, riding high at 3-0 and ranked in the top 15 off the various extremities of Robert Griffin III (the III makes him almost regal). The Wildcats are also 3-0, but have gone about getting there differently. The Cats rely on a stiff defense and a decent rushing attack to chew clock, tire opposing defenses, and grind out wins. We will see, finally, how good Baylor actually is (or, conversely, how good Kansas State is). Both teams have similar resumes, one signature win, with two cupcakes thrown in for good measure (though, KSU struggled against one of their cupcakes). While I've made it clear that I think Baylor will end up being Baylor, this game could make me a believer. For now though, I'm sticking to my guns and picking against them again (remind me how that TCU game worked out), and picking the Wildcats to win a slugfest, 20-17

Texas A&M vs Arkansas (in Dallas)

In the "signature" game involving a Big 12 school this week, the Fightin' Aggies travel west(?) to Dallas to take on the Razorbacks of Arkansas. Between these two schools there are many similarities, such as: They both wear red. They both think they're better than they are. They both enjoy incest (though, one with cousins and one with sheep). And they both just got their ass' kicked on national TV last week. Both teams should be fired up and ready to prove themselves, but I bet one team has already called it a day. I really can't tell which one though, as both teams have pretty much had their goals for the season crushed. A&M is way behind the curve in the Big 12 race, likewise for Arkansas in the SEC. The reality of their situations might be enough to crush their spirits, and neither team has a dynamic coach who could rally them on command. I think this game will come down to two things, run defense and conditioning. While we all know who is in better shape, the question of run D is a different story. A&M has a clear advantage in the category, and should also be able to slow down the Razorback passing attack. Why did I pick run defense you ask? Well, the way I see it, A&M has the ability to run the ball well, with the quarterback and a stable of good backs. I don't have much faith in their passing game (especially with Fuller not at 100%, Swope hurt (cause he's a pussy) and trying to have Bubbles carry the bulk of the load does not add up to good things). Arkansas runs a more pro style attack, and it requires a hearty dose of play action. If A&M doesn't have to respect the run, they can sit back and pretty much shut down Arkansas. While I think A&M will be ready to fold at the first sign of blood, the Razorbacks are not very good. When I don't know who to pick I usually pick who I want to win, and so I'll do that here, Razorbacks win and crush the Ag's yet again, 28-20.

Well, that about does it for this week. I think I was less angry, though hopefully still managed to get a joke or two in. Let me know how much you hate me in the comments,

Go Pokes