When I pushed the doorbell (which rang to the tune of Geto Boys' "Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta"), I couldn't help but wonder what would be on the other side of the door. Little did I know that those extravagant thoughts would pale in comparison to the reality I was about to experience.
A beautiful woman with an incredible likeness to Natalie Portman answers the door. I tell her who I am and she invites me in. Looking around I notice that there isn't one inch of space on the walls, floor, or ceiling that isn't covered in velvet. Each room in the home has its own fireplace and at least four 64" flat screen TVs. Playing over the sound system is an unreleased track of Garth Brooks singing and playing the Oklahoma State Alma Mater (Garth dedicates the song to Chelf at the beginning of the track).
Suddenly from the back room a voice booms, "NATALIE! WHO WAS AT THE DOOR?"
She leads me through the doorway and standing in the center of the room with his arms crossed is CCCMFC.
I begin to introduce myself and Chelf interrupts, "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. I INVITED YOUR ASS. HAVE A SEAT! WOULD YOU LIKE A GRILLARONI, MOTHERFUCKER?"
Me: "I would love one...but I thought OSU stopped selling them?"
CCCMFC: "THEY HAD TO! I BOUGHT ALL THEM MOTHERFUCKERS! NATALIE! GO FETCH US A COUPLE 'RONIES AND THEN HAND WASH MY VESPA!"
Looking around, I can't help but notice he has every gaming console ever known to man (and even a few I've never heard of) in a customized rack under his massive television and surround sound system.
CCCMFC: "I SEE YOU ADMIRING MY FUCKING COLLECTION. I JUST GOT DONE FINISHING HALO 5!"
Me: "Um, do you mean Halo 4?
CCCMFC: "DID I SAY HALO 4, MOTHERFUCKER?! NOW SIT YOUR ASS DOWN SO WE CAN GET DOWN TO BUSINESS."
I quickly sit in what is quite possibly the most comfortable chair I've ever sat in and immediately jump into it.
Me: "Your letter to the fans has really had a resounding positive effect on the people of OSU. Fans are screaming 'Choo! Chooooo!' in the stands, your fellow teammates are tweeting about it and celebrating it in practices and game huddles...even Head Coach Mike Gundy said in his latest press conference that he is jumping on your train. Did you foresee this type of reaction when you wrote the letter?"
CCCMFC: "YOU BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT! THIS FANBASE NEEDED A MOTHERFUCKIN PICK-ME-UP! TOO MANY PEOPLE WITH THEIR DAMN HEADS DOWN. I FELT I COULD PROVIDE THAT MOTHERFUCKIN SPARK!"
Me: "With Bedlam coming up, do you feel like this momentum can continue to grow?"
CCCMFC: "IS THAT A SERIOUS FUCKIN QUESTION?! THE MOTHERFUCKIN CHELF FREIGHT TRAIN IS GONNA ROLL AT FULL STEAM INTO NORMAN AND LAY SOME SERIOUS FUCKIN TRACKS ALL OVER THAT BITCH! CHOOOOO CHOOOOOO, MOTHERFUCKER!"
Me: "It seems like the fans are really starting to rally around that winning attitude."
CCCMFC: "OF COURSE THEY ARE! OKLAHOMA STATE HAS THE BEST FUCKING FANS IN THE WORLD! IT'S TOO BAD THERE'S ALWAYS SOME BITCH ASS BAD APPLES IN THE BUNCH DISGRACING THEIR REPUTATION, THOUGH! GREEDY MOTHERFUCKERS SELLING T SHIRTS OUT THERE TRYIN TO MAKE A PROFIT OFF MY NAME BECAUSE THEY CAN'T COME UP WITH THEIR OWN FUCKING IDEAS!"
Me: "Can we do a quick game of 'Word Association?'"
CCCMFC: "MAKE IT QUICK, MOTHERFUCKER!"
Me: "Texas Tech."
CCCMFC: "REALLY FUCKIN EASY!"
CCCMFC: "FUCK YOU!"
Me: "Ok, and finally, what's your prediction for the game on Saturday?"
Me: "Yes, prediction."
The look on CCCMFC's face at that point let me know that the interview was over and it was time to leave (without my delicious Grillaroni, unfortunately). On the positive side, I was allowed to snap a few photos as I was leaving as seen below.