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Picks From Joes: Snitches Get Stiches

Another Friday, another assault on my liver.

Reese Strickland-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

Welcome friends, it's that time again. You may have noticed the lack of a PFJ last week, and that was by no fault of my own. One of my buddies decided to be a pimp and scheduled his wedding for the bye week, a true fan I believe. So what do we have this week, ah yes, conference time. Where should we begin? With a shot of Jim Beam I guess. Then we'll go with the early game first.

#25 Baylor at #9 West Virginia

I don't know if this is going to work. Baptists will be hard pressed to find a regular Dr. Pepper in Morgantown, I'd say 98% will be of the flaming variety. The Bears don't believe in dancing, showing of ankles, or music past 4pm. I wonder what the bible says about couch burning? But seriously, if Baylor fans think Tech fans are crazy I can't wait to see this pre-mixer, all 17 Baylor fans holding hands in a prayer circle while Mountaineers shotgun beers using the crack of their ass. As far as the game goes, I'm fairly intrigued. I think West Virginia is over-rated, heavily, but at the same time I always think Baylor sucks. So I'm torn on who to pick, but I'll tell you this, the scoreboard is going to explode. Neither team has a defense, in fact I think both teams have about 47 wide receivers, so I'll be looking forward to seeing about 110 points scored. I guess I'm going to go with the home team, WVU wins 66-55 (theres a symmetry in that score that pleases me).

Texas Tech at Iowa State

I can't believe I'm typing this, but this will be a hell of a defensive battle. The number 1 defense against the number 14 defense, hell we might see 14, hell maybe even 15 total points in this one. Remember how I said I I wanted to see how the Baylor and West Virginia fans get along? Well here I'm interested in seeing which fan base is still standing by kickoff. A 7pm kick with Tech fans? God have mercy on their livers, and ISU fan's named their blog after Natural LIght, that's a love of beer I envy. Normally in a situation like this I'd favor the home team, but Iowa State has two problems to deal with, scoring on the number one defense (though, the chances of that being legit are about .003%), and stoping the number two offense (which is probably more legit). Tech on the other hand just has to find a way to score. I don't know if I care who wins, but I do know I won't be watching. Sorry Cyclone fans, but I'm calling on the favorite to cover (if you can really call them that), and Tech wins 17-12.

#15 TCU at SMU

Dont start no shit, won't be no shit, that's my motto anyhow. And as far as I'm concerned, TCU are some punk ass shit starting little bitches. You know what you fuckers? We saved your bitch asses form the fucking mountain west purgatory you cum stains were stuck in. Now after all that, you pull some eleventh hour bullshit to help out the cocksucking Longhorns? Fuck you, you assholes, remember that shit 15 years from now when you haven't even sniffed a Big 12 title, thats karma on you bitches. Gary Patterson will get a better job offer and leave, and nobody else wants that fucker so you'll be back so winning 4 games a year, become a drag on the conference, and then we'll kick you out. And on that day, I'll be the single happiest man on the planet, even without my paddle Pokes holding it down. Do me a solid all you CRFF'ers, send this fuck an email and let him know how much he sucks ass:

Chris Del Conte; Athletic Director TCU-

Blow that motherfucker up with pictures of dicks, hairy ball sacks, taint, whatever, just let him know he's a bitch and we hate him. Oh and TCU probably wins like 27-10.

#12 Texas at Oklahoma State

Well I guess this is the main event, isn't it? Two weeks of shit talking, uniform rumors, quarterback injuries, non-injuries, all that shit is over with, it's game time folks. I kinda feel like I just busted my nut ripping on TCU, Don't think I'm letting Texas off the hook, TCU doesn't have the balls to do anything on their own, they're swinging from the nuts of Austin like every other bitch ass Texas school. Fuck it, we'll win without the paddles. I'm trying my damnedest to come up with jokes, but the booze has kinda set in, and all I've got left is cursing and drinking. Fuck. Pokes win, 31-30.

Go Pokes