Welcome back, no time to spare, so let's dive right in. Seeing as I'm still on campus and it's cold as balls out here, I'm taking pulls off a Jim Beam traveler I've been sneaking around in my backpack all day. It's not a problem if you enjoy it.
Texas Christian at Oklahoma State: Look, I know we suck this year, and I know we were supposed to be good, but I don't give a shit about all that. It's homecoming damnit, and with all these folks here a loss would probably cause a riot. I've already seen boobs today from a drunk sororistitute (and they were good.) Boykin scares me with all his mobility, but the remainder of the TCU offense is about as terrifying as a toy poodle. Can JW Walsh right the ship this week? Will Gundy finally powerbomb Jenni Carlson? Will Yurcich survive halftime? Will I survive til kickoff? We'll see Saturday. Pokes roll 28-10.
Texas Tech at West Virginia: Watching the effects of Tech players traveling across the country probably requires and entire department at the CDC. But they're going to West God Damn Virginia, so this week it'll take the entire Center to keep us safe. It'll be like an STD superstorm. Tech wins 35-24.
Oklahoma at Kansas: Three weeks in a row the goons have screwed me. First they beat Notre Dame too bad, then don't beat TCU enough, and then lose like assholes to Texas. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me, fool me three or more times and I'll pimp slap your mother. Oklahoma survives 31-27, Bell get's benched, and I get pumped at blOU losing on to have them win at the last second.
Iowa State at Baylor: Luckily Baylor fans know know I hate them. As it turns out, they also hate me, which isn't very Christian. Oh well, least I get to have fun, get drunk, and get laid and not feel guilty about it. Sadly the bears will win, 45-21.
Go Pokes- And everybody who lives within about 4 hours needs to get their ass' up here tomorrow. Let's rock this bitch.