PICKS FROM JOES: Eat More Beef

There comes a time during each football season where you have to abandon logic and embrace the hate. For the rest of the season, I'm going full Darth Vader on the picks. Enjoy reading the hate flow through me.

Iowa State at Oklahoma: Blake Bell sucks. No really, he's abysmal, but that's not even impressive, it's how he's anti-developed as a quarterback. He's gotten worse, which in theory isn't possible, but somehow he's regressed to the point where his throwing motion resembles me at the bar playing darts on penny beer night. At least I have fun when I throw darts behind my back, he just throws picks. Doesn't matter for this week though, the Clones are so bad that my throwing motion and athletic ability would be an improvement for them at quarterback. Goon's win 35-12.

West Virginia at Kansas: A Red Bull addict and a McNugget junky are going to do battle this weekend. The real battle is seeing who's heart can last longer, Dana's running about 120bpm from the caffine, or Weis' running about 20bpm from cholesterol blockage. West Virginia wins 45-14.

Oklahoma State at Texas: First off, I actually enjoy Mack Brown. He seems like a pretty good guy. Unlike Stoops or Gundy he actually answers questions at his press conferences. I get the feeling he'd be that funny uncle at family reunions, who get's all liquored up and starts eyeing the slightly too young cousin. Then once he falls "asleep" at the table you can go through his wallet and take the cash and lottery tickets.

Gundy would be the relative who's more successful than the others and pretends he's not that successful but actually rubs it in at every opportunity. I'd be the relative who just got paroled and is outside smoking a joint with the skank next door. Stoops would be the chinless guy across the street who plays world of warcraft and get's his jollies off to bbw porn.

I'm not even sure what any of that has to do with the game. But what I do know is this, we're gonna win. Pokes roll, 28-24. Well I guess that's not really a rolling, but still it's a winning.

Texas Christian at Kansas State: It's a bad time to be a Horned Frog, and a slightly less bad time to be a Wildcat. Though in the historic battle between cats and frogs, cats typically win. Unless it's one of those crazy ass jungle frogs with the poison and shit. The funny thing about the stress of the game is that Patterson sweats like a fat man and Snyder wishes he still had functional sweat glands. I think the toads could compete if Pachall would give of sobriety and blow some lines before the game. Whatever, Cat's win 38-14

Texas Tech vs Baylor: The Raiders suck and fuck Baylor. Baylor wins 55-28

Go Pokes