Last week should have been a great week for me, but then TCU developed rapid onset erectile dysfunction and Texas did Texas things, and both of my upsets went down in flames faster than the Branch Davadian Compound. This week I'm calling for less upsets and more drinking. The drink of the week this week is Shipyard Pumpkinhead ale. It's seriously tasty and in limited quantities, so I suggest scoring some swiftly. It won't be around by Halloween, so I'd stock up if you want to party with it.
Baylor at West Virginia: Is there a more abrasive mix of fans than the combination of 'Neers and Bears? It's like half past smashed Jesus meets Dr. Pepper loving Lucifer. Baylor fans are just the worst, and it's impressive how quickly they've become insufferable. The only other fans I can think of that became so arrogant so quickly are probably Wisconsin fans. I was going to say Florida, but their fans are a different level of hell. Most likely Baylor will win this game, but as we all now know, their defense is a bit suspect, so West by God Virginia needs to hope for a repeat of the 70-63 game for a couple years ago. Just prepare yourselves 'Neer fans, Bebe's kids are coming, and they're going to tell you how your screwing up on both the football field and in life. Bears win 52-41.
Kansas State at Oklahoma: I hate purple and I despise red. Not too fond of silver either. Cream is some sort of sperm color. Let me break this down for you; the 'Cats will jump out to a lead, blOU will look lost, Mike Stoops face will turn into some sort of shape that only T-1000 liquid metal can make, offending the lord in the process, and after all that KSU will choke, OU will get some BS call to go their way, and they'll end up backing into a victory. Goons win 34-31.
Kansas at Texas Tech: The fighting Taco's look to get back on the winning track, (well, okay they look to get on the winning track in the first place,) against Kansas this weekend. The Jayhawks had us right where they wanted us last week until their interim coach had a stroke and decided to kick it deep, the Freek did Freek things, and we managed to eek out a victory. That last sentence makes me sad. Kingsbury is aging faster than a 30 year old Pilipino hooker while coaching this team, and honestly this is probably their last good chance at a W this year. I don't care how empty Tubberville left the fridge, it's getting ugly down in Raidertown (well, relatively speaking. West Texas is where movies about the end of days go to get made.) I'm going to have a stroke as well and pick the Jayhawks in a surprise upset, 24-21.
Oklahoma State at Texas Christian: It's time to have a talk, Cowboy fans, so let's get this out in the open. This is therapy so everyone get in on this; we suck this year. I know, hard to accept, after all the success we've had over the past 8 years or so, we choke on goat balls this season. I feel really bad for the defense, because it's not their fault. I'm not sure that Mike Yurcich is the cause of all our offensive woe's, just like I'm not sure that Liberia caused ebola, but I've got a strong inkling that both of those statements are true. It might be ebola that's ruining our season, because watching our team gives me blood diarrhea. Magic blood is in short supply, and TCU seems to be immune to the dreaded disease (they apparently live in it's new backyard,) I have no choice but to choose the Frogs, big, 42-17. I haven't picked against us ever in PFJ until today. Oh and to those Poke fans going to Dallas, this site has good deals on HazMat suits. Don't bring that evil back to us.
Iowa State at Texas: This has gone on way too long. Texas wins, State drinks, the world keeps on turning. UT 22-20.