But King and I have worked hard preparing for this. Thankfully Rob Glass was not involved.
As we anticipate the first weekend of Big 12 football in 2014, we offer our opinions on who sits where and what we should expect from this week's games.
Without further delay...
One win over an Alabama team that supposedly didn't care does not a season make, but I heard that Blake Bell is taking some snaps at QB. That makes me uneasy for Bedlam, but not for La Tech.
So, there's no dancing, but you'll play football on Sunday? Baptists and Methodists celebratin' the Sabbath, but ponies will be the sacrificial lambs.
Charlie Strong. Joe Wickline. If they had a QB, they might be #1. North Texas should provide enough resistance to see what's happening in Austin.
4. Oklahoma State
All hail the Freek. Let's hope this is 2010 all over again...oh, and let's also hope Florida State doesn't "TILT" the jumbotron at Jerry's World.
5. Kansas State
Anyone who was best buds with Squinky's old man is not to be trusted. Stephen F Austin is not North Dakota State.
Patterson will need all his skills to stay ahead of Kingsbury, cuz looks ain't gonna get it done. Frogs take a page out of Baylor's playbook, hosting Samford.
Ryan Gosling's team will need to show progress (try not losing so many games in November). They get a nice, easy start with Arkansas...Central, that is.
8. West Virginia
Dana will be psyched about their opener with Bama until he discovers that "Crimson Tide" is not another name for Red Bull. Couch burning in Atlanta, baby!
9. Iowa State
We could've said that only WV and OSU were in danger of losing this weekend, but alas, the Cyclones have to play FCS defending national champion North Dakota State, who were undefeated in 2013 and started last season by beating Kansas State in Manhattan. Oh, and the Cyclones lost to FCS Northern Iowa to open last season.
Iowa State's only hope? Mark Mangino eats bison.
The Jayhawks will be undefeated after this weekend. Guaranteed.
Now for the good stuff from King...
Thanks to work I visited Waco several times this summer. I have seen hell. Also, to all Texas folks: STOP SCREWING AROUND AND FIX I-35 FOR CHRIST SAKE! YOU TURNED AND INTERSTATE INTO A SMOLDERING CRATER! WEST (the town) IS ACTUALLY IN A CRATER NOW! Oh and BeBe's kids will win a bunch of games and stuff.
Didn't that Trey Metroyer Meteoryer Meturia guy show his junk to a chick? OU football loves women.
3a. Oklahoma State
Last year this time if you told me JW Walsh was starting the Mississippi State game I would have been pumped. What a difference a year makes.
3b. Kansas State
Gonna be honest, I don't know anything at all about KSU this year, but Snyderball and such.
They won't be terrible, they'll just be Texas.
6. Texas Christian
Every year I think they'll get back to winning 10 games. Then I remember that when the won 10+ each year they played in the MAC or WAC or some shit.
7. Texas Tech
Remember that great start last year? Yep.
8. West Virginia
Couches, prepare for glory. News stations, prepare for ratings bumps.
9. Iowa State
Mangino back in the Big 12? When they play Kansas the earth might crumble.
See above, but less wins.