Yes friends, it's Pick From Joes, an entire day early. This week the athletic department is getting onboard with Throwback Thursday. You know, that internet thing that the kids do. Goes along with yolo, mcm, and any other hashtaggable saying. Truly, hashtags are the single greatest sin mankind has committed. Mustard gas? Weak sauce. Stalin's purges? Long time ago in Russia, doesn't count. The atomic bomb? Only used twice, get that shit out of here. No, I am confident that when that rider on a pale horse arrives to deliver smite and ruin, we will announce his coming with #apocalypse.
So you may have noticed that there was no PFJ last week, and for that I'm sorry, but seriously there were only two games to pick (I did Auburn-KState the week before) and I didn't think anyone here cared about Kansas paying for a W and the goons traveling east to find better meth. So I'll try to make up for that this week. Let's do it.
Texas Tech at Oklahoma State: It makes me smile when Tech says we stole their traditions from them. I'd say we left them a few, such as masturbating into a bell, kissing a rock to spread diseases, using Yosemite Sam as a mascot, or the ever popular sex swing used to fire up the team. Yeah, y'all can keep those. As for the actual game, losing is just unacceptable. The tech D is so bad they drove their coordinator to drink, and I think I've seen a few grey hairs on Coach Bro's head. If the Freek doesn't get rolling in this game, he never will this season. Pokes win 45-27.
UTEP at Kansas State: Just a few steps down from Auburn, UTEP visits the feral cats this weekend for a beatdown, assuming KSU doesn't self destruct. And really, I don't even think UTEP can win then, short of KSU loaning them some players or scoring points against themselves, the Miners are going to get smashed. Hell Tech beat them already this year (and started a great brawl with their fans.) Kat's roll 42-7.
Texas Christian at Southern Methodist: It's the all Christian brawl, the Malice in Dallas, the, the, well those two at least. And that's about all you need to know about this one, aside from one school being known for drugs, and one known for cheating. Ah, you can smell the hypocrisy. Frogs win 48-9.
Texas at Kansas: Two terrible teams trying to see who's worse. If Texas loses this game Longhorn fans just might feed Charlie Strong to Weis-the-hutt. Longhorns win 11-8.
Baylor at Iowa State: Have I ever told you how much I hate Baylor? I spent 25 miserable days in and around Waco for work this summer and I can safely say it is the asshole of Texas (and I've been to Midland and Pampa, come get some.) The roads are terrible, the people are dicks, and the smell, God the smell. If I lived there I'd by a dick too, it's miserable, but that doesn't explain the arrogance of Baylor fans. Three good seasons in over a century of football and they act like Bama fans. So I'm ready to sacrifice a chicken, goat, hell maybe even a horse if I can Voodoo-up the Clones a win. I promised to troll Iowa fans incessantly for an entire year if ISU can pull this one off, but it's a tall task. I'm afraid when the game is over the Cyclone coaches and players will be ready to do rosebud porn (Pro tip: don't google that at work, near your children, or family of any kind. Also, some thing's can't be unseen, and I hear it smells like blood.) We're all counting on you Clones, but I'm picking Baylor to win 52-21.