Yes, I know I'm late. I spent 48 straight miserable hours awake between Wednesday and Thursday on a well that refused to be drilled in lovely extreme west Texas, slept for about 5, then got on a plane bound for OKC Friday, so I wasn't in the mood to make any picks. I was going to recap last week but I don't want to revisit that crap from Arlington. Did anybody else feel substantially dumber after listening to Winston speak in the post game? He's the human equivalent of this article.
It's early Saturday morning, I'm already two beers deep, so let's do it.
Oklahoma at Tulsa: Luckily for all OU fans (and sadly for all football fans,) this turd of a game is on either ABC or ESPN 2. There was a time when Tulsa fans expected to give either of the other state teams a good game. Sadly 1997 was a long time ago. I won't actually see the game, but I'd expect the fighting Stoops' to win by about 40, so let's go with the swinging Mixon's winning 52-10.
Kansas State at Iowa State: Farmageddon's appeal dropped like it hit bad turbulence (I hate flying, but have been on 22 flights in 32 days. Prepare for horrible flying jokes) when the Clones shit the bed and lost to North Dakota State. I expect once they resurrect Snyder for the game that the Wildcats will win 35-7.
Missouri State at Oklahoma State: Some prick Missouri State fan dyed our fountain period blood red, which would have been funny if the dumbass had used actual dye. Instead he used latex paint, which I will assume he had because he was done huffing it. Pokes win and take revenge for the fountain, 70-3.
Southeast Missouri State at Kansas: Does anyone even care? Kansas wins 34-14.
Brigham Young at Texas: The Mormon Army is a 2 point favorite at Texas, and I think that line is pretty low. Charlie Strong will probably make Texas better in a year or so, but he's not Harry Potter, he can't wave a wand and make a squad of pussies suddenly tougher. On the flip side it's hard to pick a team that doesn't drink beer or have sex, but I'll make that exception today, BYU wins 31-27.
Towson at West Virginia: Towson isn't Alabama, and I believe that's all you need to know about this game. Couch Burners win 48-0.
Northwestern State at Baylor: If I was Art Briles I wouldn't play Petty today, I'd let that fractured spine heal. Of course if I woke up and was suddenly Art Briles I'd kill myself, so Petty wouldn't matter at that point. Bears win 56-7.
Texas Tech at University of Texas El Paso: Good God look at the slate of games in the Big 12 this week. I was worried about being late with this pig and there isn't a single game worth watching. Maybe the BYU/UT game, but other than that absolute crap. Even though the Power 5 will probably destroy the earth, at least they'll produce good games each week. Oh and Tech will lose to the Miners 28-27.
That's it folks, hopefully the games get better and I get some sleep, I hope everyone in Stilly manages to stay dry and drunk, we'll see y'all here in a bit,