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Texas vs BYU: As Told By Longhorn Fans

It's a Special Edition of "As Told By The Fans"! This is what you get when you combine a total depantsing on National TV and the varying degrees of human emotion expressed in a gamethread. Pleading, hopeless optimism, anger, denial, and frustration is just the tip of the iceberg. Grab some popcorn, and enjoy the show!

John McKibben via dallasnews.com

Last week I brought you Oklahoma State vs Florida State: As told by Seminole Fans. It quickly became the most viewed post of all time, so obviously this needs to be a weekly thing. Unfortunately I couldn't find where the twenty or so Missouri State fans hang out on the interwebs, but I didn't let that deter me. I decided to look elsewhere in the Big 12, and it was pretty obvious where to go with this week's special edition of "As Told By The Fans".

Texas vs BYU: As Told by the Longhorn Fans

If the first half isn't the most bipolar thing you read this week, then you're into some pretty sadistic stuff. As the pendulum of emotions violently rocks back and forth, at least you can still kind of make out what's going on in the game.

By the third quarter the Cougars got tired of playing with the Longhorn faithful's emotions, erasing all hope as BYU hung 28 points on the scoreboard to open the half. It became near impossible to tell what was actually happening in the game other than pain. Lot's of pain.

This pretty much sums up the last 5 years night for Texas, but reading the Longhorn meltdown below is much, much better.

Here are the best comments from Barking Carnival and Burnt Orange Nation. For game coverage from the BYU side of things, be sure to check out Vanquish The Foe.
(Yes, Texas has two SB Nation blogs. Nobody knows why, and I gave up trying to figure it out.)
(Remember, this is being told from a Longhorn fan point of view)

KICKOFF

Let's go, Horns!!!

What's the weather like in Austin?

Hot enough to melt a Mormon.

Seriously, how is Strong able to be in long sleeves in that heat?

Yes, 40 yrd kick return!

Penalty wipes out most of it.

Crowd is doing its part.

Jenkins bit hard.

5 men in the backfield and the center snaps the ball over all of them.

A stop... sort of.

I'll take all the help we can get.

Doyle smoked.

Texas' OL can't block s**t currently.

Loving this tempo.

Couple of nice throws by Swoopes.

Let's tire this BYU defense out. Not used to the Austin heat.

Our kicking game is DOA.

Nice drive. Make the frikkin kick hair boy.

Swoopes looked good on that drive.

OMG, Our defense can't tackle this guy!!!

Taysom Hill is one fast SOB.

I hate this guy so much. If I get him to dance, does his Morman super running skills go away?

They are taking our D apart.

Hope that Hill run was a wakeup call.

I think I'll leave now.

Guys... This isn't look good.

Way to buckle down.

Least we getting shots on the QB.

If I was BYU I would run Hill every play.

That awkward moment when... You give up 500+ rushing yards to the Mormons two years in a row.

We got pistol whipped on that drive but held ‘em to three with a little help from our foes.

Swoopes has been a pleasant surprise.

Well a couple series and the game still feels winnable.

Ugh. No run blocking at all.

Any of you current students on this board know how to kick? Or run block?

Aggie game delayed. Did the stadium break already?

Aggie game delayed: will be duly noted next to the 26 mythical National Championships.

GREAT DEFENSE!

Malcom Brown OWNED his man.

Swoops might be the real deal.

Ash who?

Are we actually making ADJUSTMENTS??

Swoops looking OUTSTANDING

OMFG FUMBLE

MOTHER*&%^@#$

Stonehands Harris strikes again

Damn, Hill is a robot.

I hate Taysom Hill so much!

How many Horns does it take to bring this guy down?

I'm getting very tired of this bike riding Mormon running all over our D.

Whaddya know? BYU is better than UNT.

That was an awesome two downs!

D comes up big.

BEASTMODE: ENGAGE

Feels like we've figured them out somewhat.

OMG Wickline, you are a genius.

Jesus...

OMG WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THESE FUMBLES

Why are we even trying to run at this point?

Our run defense is good.

A little tear just appeared in my eye watching that sack.

Time for the offense to score some points. Defense is bailing them out.

Great return Marcus Johnson!

How about we don't fumble on this drive? Too much to ask?

Does Texas have a running play designed to go outside the tackles?

Defense is getting no rest.

We're getting good punting-yeaaah!!

D is gassed.

10-yard holes all over the place now.

Where is our secondary?

Away from the BYU receivers.

THANK YOU DIGGS

OMG. What a pick by DIGGS!

Take that Taysom Hill!

Can someone please invent a way to mute one announcer while leaving the other audio alone?

I love seeing Wickline out there talking and explaining to Hutch what he did wrong.

Every time I see HUNH I picture James Brown yelling it. GOOD GAWD, Y'ALL

Great Punt

Somebody please lay Hill out here...

HALFTIME (BYU 6 - Texas 0)

Vince Young manages money better than our OL blocks.

If it becomes a battle of conditioning in the 2nd half, I'm optimistic about our chances.

Uh oh.

Not the way the 2nd half needed to start.

Wow. Hill is fast.

Holy s**t Taysom Hill jumped over that man.

Just posterized the Texas defender that went low.

That s**t is gonna be on SportsCenter. FML.

Damn you Mormon Tebow!

BYU came out ready to play this half.

Johnson runs backwards, makes the return worse.

Yeah, let's run it up the middle again. Jesus.

I love these comments... Glad you're not the coach.

Swoops is slow.

Very nearly a safety.

It feels like the bottom's about to fall out from under us.

Basketball timeout.

This is becoming depressing.

Welp, time to pull out the booze.

Charlie Strong might suspend the whole team after tonight.

The ceiling for tonight's offense is probably about 14 points.

The ceiling just caved in.

Holy cow what a catch by that man

Are you kidding me? That's just how this night is going I suppose.

How in the blue hell did he catch that!?!

Somewhere, Case McCoy is laughing...

WTF are our receivers doing???

Does this mean next weeks game just got cheaper?

It's official. God is Mormon.

This D is in tatters.

Welp.

So much for our defense being stout. What a joke.

What a train wreck of a program. Here's an idea. Let's not schedule any more slow, un-athletic teams to face our roster of 4 and 5 star bigshots.

Can't run the ball, can't throw it deep, and the defense is AWOL.

What the f**k was Mack Brown doing? This s**t is embarrassing.

I'm pretty sure Mack Brown was giving analysis in the ABC broadcast booth today.

This will not stop until the losers on this team move on.

Charlie Strong, GOOD Luck.

Defense getting about 20 seconds of rest between series.

Is the stadium empty yet?

And here comes another 3 and out.

This team is in shambles. Good thing BYU is the best team Texas plays this year. Not.

I'm a die-hard Texas fan but I'm getting close to checking out. 5 years of this junk is more than I can take.

Edmond is bad, but how bad does a coach have to be to keep him out there?

Edmond is getting exposed.

Let's never schedule BYU again.

Adjustments at the half... I was looking forward to those. Not good so far.

There were adjustments. Bad to worse.

Is it too late to offer Saban $20 million a year??

Fumble.

Why can't they hold onto the ball? The most basic tenets?

Murder is one thing. Suicide is another.

Well at least the return team is getting a lot of practice.

I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

I fu#%ing hate hill. I wish this game was on LHN to avoid national embarrassment.

Time to rearrange my sock drawer.

State of the program. Feels like a wound has been re-opened. I hate that we've become a team that is generally considered not to be worthy of the top 25. It just doesn't seem fair.

Exactly who can Texas beat? Anyone see Iowa State today? They are pretty salty. UCLA, OU, Baylor, KSU, Tech, OSU are all sure losses. KU and ISU will be very close.

Tech is all hat, no cattle. I'm not sold on DudeBro

Ugh

F**k my ass. Goodnight.

Wow. Just... wow. New Strategy: Just don't give the offense the opportunity to f**k up. Do it yourselves, special teams!

I have no words. I'm done.

Wow. I like Coach Strong, but Texas should never be humiliated like this... EVER.

To think we all had to wait 9 months for this.

Are you kidding me? I blink and BYU is scoring again?

Texas has run 6 plays in the second half. Total.

We're supposed to have patience. Screw that. No other team in America suspends the whole damn team to make a point. I have a saying I tell my teams at work that seems appropriate here...you can be right, or you can win. When Charlie's the defensive coordinator at McNeese in a couple years I hope he feels proud of his goddamned rules.

Great run by Swoopes

Not Shutout!

We need 4 TD's this quarter and we win it.

We need a turnover.

They just turned over the entire staff. What else can they do?

At some point... It makes no sense to play the starters anymore. I have never been this discouraged about a Texas football team.

Easily in the Top 10 of worst 3rd Quarters.

I'm so f**kin sick and tired of losing....ughhhhhhh

Pathetic. I rescind all optimistic thoughts. There is no meaning in life.

Positive news, guys. Dolphin Tale got a sequel and it comes out next Friday!

^ Key takeaway from tonight's game.

I'm thinking that I could come in and earn a starting spot.

I'm past the anger now. Time to just sort of enjoy whatever is left. Bad football is better than no football. Also Swoopes is still interesting enough to watch.

I've had enough of this culture change.

This Longhorn team had become soooooo SOFT.

C'mon defense. At least make them pull Hill.

Well Hell. There it is.

Well poop.

Short pass INT

I cannot believe what this program has come to... several years in the making, may need several years to get back to respectable.

So much for all the BS about Texas having a good defense. Didn't take long to disprove that myth.

I think Coach Strong's honeymoon is over. We didn't get beat this bad in Provo. He might need to think about a prescription for football coaches Viagra.

Virginia showed UCLA is vulnerable.

And BYU showed us to be?

Hat Tip to Hill. When he runs over us we focus on the "we suck" angle - that kid is a helluva football player even though we suck

The only thing positive about this game... Is it's almost over.

I hate living in Oklahoma. I get to listen to the sports radio make fun of Texas football all week long.

I actually think BYU is pretty good. Not that it's much consolation.

How bad is next week gonna be?

Like this week, but in Dallas. So more leased cars and guys named Tradd.

There's a new episode of House Hunters on.

Are they naked? Cause what I'm watching got pantsed.

It looks like we're losing to Yahoo!

Texas is going to be 3-5 heading into the game in Lubbock.

^Optimist

At least it was in Utah last time. Mountains are hard to breathe in and shit. This year it is just because we are a football laughing stock.

Well, at least we aren't in Michigan

Yeah, it'd be embarrassing to lose by 30.

FINAL (BYU 41 - Texas 7)