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Satire - Why OSU will beat Iowa State

Having 2011 flashbacks? Not any more, you're not.

Rob Ferguson-USA TODAY Sports

Nine. And. Oh.  That is the record of the Oklahoma State Cowboys as they head to Ames, Iowa with their matchup with the Iowa State Cyclones. The Pokes can practically taste the playoffs with one road game left on their schedule.  But before we get into the breakdown, let's get hyped. Watch this video, finish vomiting from sadness, finish running through a wall, and come back. Now while you figure out how to fix that you-sized hole in your wall, run through it again with this inspirational quote from Glenn Spencer.

Now you have two you-sized holes in your wall to fix. You're welcome.

Now, Iowa State, you might tend to think history will be repeating itself come tomorrow when an undefeated Oklahoma State comes rolling into town. I'm here to assure you that it will not be.

Mason Rudolph, J.W. Walsh, and their merry band of running backs and receivers are rolling in hot as hot can be, averaging 49.2 points per game over their last five games. The Cyclones have given up an average of 41.6 over the same span. The Cowboys have a top 20 offense and the Cyclones have a bottom 20 defense. An actual tornado will have to be clearing the seven kinds of smoke Oklahoma State will be throwing tomorrow afternoon.

And for their offense: y'all may have a couple of decent play makers, but nowhere near enough or talented enough to get around Emmanuel Ogbah, Chad Whitener, Jordan Sterns, and their equally terrifying counter parts. The same defense that kept one of the best players in college football, Trevone Boykin, in check and terrified to make big throws. So trot out Sam Richardson and Allen Lazard, and may God have mercy on their souls before the judgement day that is this Cowboys defense.

Once again, Paddle People president, Zack Miller, was available to make an appearance so here are his things to look for this week:

-Regardless of what happens this season, I still want my tombstone to say, "

-Ogbah is probably definitely in a garage somewhere in Stillwater throwing darts 20ft pieces of I-beam at a picture of your quarterback right now.

-Tell Paul Rhoads and his players to quit acknowledging the Paddle People so much so we can actually dislike them (Actually it is really cool and they should totally keep doing that).

-4th grade J.W. would have no problem deciding which way to run the veer on this defense.