clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

CRFF'S DEFINITIVE BIG 12 MASCOT RANKINGS

New, 7 comments

Our SB Nation brethren at Viva the Matadors put forth a "power poll" for Big 12 mascots, and, well, some corrections need to be made.

Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

We here at Cowboys Ride For Free are constantly diligent, searching the internets and the twitters for bad information.

And boy, did we find a doozie.

Mascot rankings are always fun, but these still have to be taken seriously on some level, and King and I are here to oblige.

Of course, if this had been a power ranking of STD's, we would have acknowledged and applauded the expertise of those in Lubbock. Probably would've nominated them for a Nobel Prize.

On to the mascots....

10. Texas Tech Red Raiders

First off, YOU'RE copying Pistol Pete, along with several other mascot related things. If you're trying to copy our football program, you've done that about as well as you've handled the mascot.

Second...no matter how creepy you might think Pistol Pete may be, you created Yosemite Sam. How can anyone take this seriously?

Third...your guy doesn't even have real guns.

Viva the Matadors rank...1 (such homerism)

King's Ranking...3
Frank Eaton predates your ripoff of a cartoon character, but at least you have a gun...and herpes.

9. Iowa State Cyclones

Research, people, research.

Tornadoes have been referred to as cyclones.

However we must agree here...what in the hell does a cardinal (or what appears to be a cardinal) have to do with a cyclone? This same logic has obviously carried over to their football program.

Viva the Matadors rank...10

King's Ranking...10
Cyclones (the weather event) leave destruction in their path. Outside of one Friday in November, the Clones haven't destroyed anything since 2011. Also what is that stupid bird?

8. Oklahoma Sooners

A wagon with tiny horses and some dog-like horse costumes. Couldn't have just one?

This is getting ranked here partially because they are our hated rivals, but also because their mascot (or mascots) depict exactly who they are.

Cheaters.

History lesson for our Lubbock brethren..."Sooners" comes from those folks who, at the land rush, LEFT BEFORE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO.

They cheated to gain an advantage.

So they might as well be called the Oklahoma Cheaters.

Viva the Matadors rank...9

King's Ranking...9
That horsepig is an abomination unto the lord.

7. Kansas Jayhawks

More education for the folks south and west of Stillwater.

Jayhawks are real, just like jackalopes.

Never mind it's an arrogant looking bird.

Viva the Matadors rank...8

King's Ranking...5
Should have been ranked lower, but much like their football team I forgot about them.

6. Texas Longhorns

A cow. I know a longhorn could be a bull, but then call yourselves the Texas Bulls, and trot out a longhorn bull. Bevo looks like a metrosexual bull, which is essentially a cow. I guess that is a fair representation of the football program at this time, so I'm ok with it.

At least Colorado has a real buffalo that runs on the field. Every other pic of Bevo he's laying down chewing his cud.

Not threatening.

Viva the Matadors rank...6

King's Ranking...7
There mascot is my food.

5. TCU Horned Frogs

A horny toad? Really? Somebody must have been pretty high to envision one of these as a fearsome creature, which is a distinct possibility at this institution. By the way, ask anyone to identify one of these and you’re likely to get "horny toad," not "horned lizard." We’re only into being scientifically correct when it benefits our argument.

Viva the Matadors rank...7

King's Ranking...6
While I may enjoy a good toad licking, there's nothing scary or intimidating about them.

4.Baylor Bears

I'm good with live animals, but come up with a better slogan than "Sic Em" for a bear. Besides, I've seen bears dance and drink, so that pretty much rules them out as a mascot for a Baptist school. Also, they aren’t the top predators…we are. We have guns. I think Baylor would be better served with this for a mascot. Much more representative...

Viva the Matadors rank...3

King's Ranking...8
That bear paw is about as terrifying as...........well you know what it is.

3. Kansas State Wildcats

Now we're talking. I love Willie the Wildcat. Wildcats are Bobcats in my book, and they are great hunters and crazy athletic, plus Jerry Clower told a great story about running into one in a tree. Solid choice. Besides, any animal that can stand on top of a cactus is badass...

Viva the Matadors rank...5

King's Ranking...4
I guess at least a cat can hurt you.

2. West Virginia Mountaineers

Guns, people, guns!!!

Real person, real weapon. Love it. Looks like someone that might actually burn a couch, but it would be for a really good reason, like cooking something he just shot.

Viva the Matadors rank...4

King's Ranking...2
Meth and firearms and beards? Take me home, country roads.....

1. Oklahoma State Cowboys

Pistol Pete is the boss. Real guns, and based on a real person.

Lee Corso looks great in that mascot head, too.

Seriously, who else did you expect us to pick?

Viva the Matadors rank...2

King's Ranking...1
Was there every any doubt?