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Fictional Free Agents

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Breaking News: A few free agents have hit the market! Who should OSU pick up for the football season?

Football is almost upon us, which means we are running out of time for silly off-season posts. Don’t you worry, Fictional Free Agents are here! Okay, okay. We all know that free agents are for the pros, but try to have an imagination! Our game against SE Louisiana is on Saturday, and we have a chance to pick up one player for the season. I’ll share a few recruiting notes for the free agents, and you can vote in the poll at the bottom of the post. Let the debate begin!

Ronnie "Sunshine" Bass - Remember the Titans - QB

Pros

  • Accurate deep ball
  • Can provide hair styling tips to teammates and coaches (GUNDY!)

Cons

  • Struggles with the short stuff. Tosses / pitches / etc.
  • Could improve situational awareness

Team Fit

  • With Mason Rudolph at the helm, we are not in an immediate need for starting QB. However, our backup situation isn’t exactly ideal. Sunshine could step in and compete for QB2.

Billy Bob - Varsity Blues - OL

Pros

  • Size...
  • Always knows how to rally the team. "Puke and rally!!"

Cons

  • Hard headed. Doesn’t report his injuries. Causes more harm than good.
  • Health.

Team Fit

  • It’s well documented that our offensive line could use some help. I have no doubt Billy Bob could be the boost that they need!

Cheeseburger Eddy - The Longest Yard - TE / Cowboyback

Pros

  • No need to work with Strength and Conditioning Coach, Rob Glass.
  • Will always have snacks for other players.

Cons

  • More of a follower than a leader.
  • Constant one-liners may get on coaches nerves.

Team Fit

  • Cowboy back is a position we are set in, but he could provide a boost wherever he is plugged in. Also, who doesn’t love some free McDonalds?

Tim Riggins - Friday Night Lights (TV Show) - HB/FB

Pros

  • Tenacious runner. Proven winner.
  • Lady killer. National female interest in Oklahoma State football.

Cons

  • Tim will hardly show up for class
  • Tim will hardly show up for practice (without a few brews in him)

Team Fit

  • The running back position is a little crowded this season, but do we have a running back as tough as Tim? I’m not sure about that. He could see time in 3rd-and-short or 4th-and-short situations.

Becky "Ice Box" O’Shea - Little Giants - LB

Pros

  • Hits like a ton of bricks.
  • Uses her anger to destroy ball carriers.

Cons

  • Plays best in a cheerleader skirt. NCAA could have issue with this.
  • Struggles with being a woman in a men’s sport, despite her dominant play.

Team Fit

  • You never can have too many linebackers. She could enter the position battle at WLB. Averette, Phillips and Akem could have some more competition coming their way!

Kevin "Thad" Castle - Blue Mountain State - LB

Pros

  • Knows how to keep the spirits in the locker room high.
  • Very physical linebacker. 4-star caliber. Leadership qualities are there.

Cons

  • Emotionally unstable.
  • Will struggle in the classroom.

Team Fit

Would start at WLB. Burton, Whitener and Castle would be one the strongest line backing crews in the Big 12.

Ivory Christian - Friday Night Lights (Movie) - DE

Pros

Cons

  • Not vocal enough on the field.
  • Constant need to "be perfect." (pro and con).

Team Fit

  • Would play immediately. With the departure of Ogbah and Bean, there are going to be a few defensive ends being rotated around. Christian would likely be in that mix.