Well. That did not go well. Nine Big 12 teams played last weekend and the league went a collective 4-5. Three of those games were against Power 5 opponents. In those three games, Big 12 teams gave up an average of over 50 points and, shockingly, won exactly none of those games. Can we go back to playing FCS teams, please? Oh, West Virginia did play an FCS team this week? Good. Wait, they were tied at halftime? Come on, guys.
After what we witnessed around the league, I almost don’t want to check on what each of the fan bases is talking about, but we’re going to because if we can’t laugh at ourselves, everyone else is going to go ahead and laugh anyway. Here’s a look around the Big 12 after Week 2. Warning: it’s not suitable for children or football fans.
Baylor - 40
SMU - 13
The final score looks decent enough, but this was a 6-6 game at halftime. 6-6 is a great number when you’re talking about a shooting guard or small forward, not so great when you’re talking about the end result of 30 minutes of football. Nevertheless, wins over powerhouses Northwestern State and Southern Methodist has Our Daily Bears asking why can’t Baylor win the Big 12? I don’t know, karma?
Iowa - 42
Iowa State - 3
I can only imagine that every Iowa State fan looked and sounded a lot like Bob Uecker’s character in Major League while watching this game. The Cyclones played two different quarterbacks and neither managed to throw for 100 yards. Seems not great. At least the guys over at Wide Right & Natty Light learned three things from the game, one for each point the Cyclones scored. One of the three things is that running back Mike Warren, who happens to be the best player on the team, needs the ball. They’re getting things figured out over in Ames, guys.
Ohio - 37
Kansas - 21
Kansas scored at least 21 points for the second consecutive week. Yeah. Look out Big 12. The Jayhawks only managed to score 21 or more points twice all of last season. Granted, that was also during the first two games of the season and they finished 0-12. Hmm. If you’ve ever wanted a look into the moment by moment despair of watching Kansas football, this Twitter-esque live commentary of the game from Rock Chalk Talk is pretty great. I assume, at some point, you just create a keyboard shortcut for “three and out.”
Oklahoma - 59
UL-Monroe - 17
Well, the Sooners finally won a game in 2016. Took you guys long enough. Thanks for not quite covering, by the way. This one was over early as OU opened up a 21-0 lead by the end of the first quarter. The Sooners are definitely showing signs of improvement, as they surrendered zero touchdowns on missed field goal returns this week. According to the Crimson & Cream Machine, this was exactly what OU needed heading into the game against Ohio State. This, and for half a dozen Buckeyes to get suspended.
Texas - 41
UTEP - 7
Another week, another step toward what is basically an inevitable national championship for the Longhorns at this point. Did you know Texas is the only team to beat UTEP so far this season? New Mexico State tried. Couldn’t do it. But Texas could. And if you ignore the fact that they were 3-12 on third down (okay, OSU would have gladly taken 3-12, in fairness), lost time of possession, and had 115 penalty yards, the Longhorns looked absolutely great doing it. Burnt Orange Nation has officially declared that Texas is back. Too bad ESPN beat them to that story by about five years.
Arkansas - 41
TCU - 38
Losing by three in double overtime is actually mildly impressive when you were down 20-7 entering the fourth quarter. So, keep your heads up Frogs. If you’d only played, like, just, any of the first three quarters, you probably would have won! TCU fell out of the top 25, which is probably unfair since SEC teams usually move up a couple of spots when they lose to other SEC teams. The loss has the guys at Frogs O’ War questioning game clock management. We feel your pain, guys.
Arizona State - 68
Texas Tech - 55
Aaaaaaaaannnnnd Arizona State just scored again. Every time it felt like Tech was threatening late in this game, the Sun Devils had an answer. And that answer was the Red Raider defense. All of the yards in the history of college football were gained in this game. Okay, actually it was only 1,264 yards. The performance has Viva The Matadors asking, “Is Texas Tech’s Offense Its Own Worst Enemy?” Yeah, no. It’s probably definitely the defense.
West Virginia - 38
Youngstown State - 21
Dana tried to tell you guys. He made a point last week to say he wasn’t sleeping on Youngstown State. But apparently his players were. This game was tied at 14 at halftime before the Mountaineers got things going in the right direction with a 17-0 third quarter. This was just a weird game in which WVU was really good on third down (10/15), out-gained Youngstown State by over 200 yards, only turned the ball over once, didn’t commit a ton of penalties, and yet kind of struggled to put the Penguins away for awhile. Some over at The Smoking Musket were left wondering why a 17-point win felt like a fight to the end.