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PICKS FROM JOE’S: We are all Sgt Schultz

This is a long way into the season to feel like we still KNOW NOTHING about the Big 12.

Scene from Hogan’s Heroes Television Show

It seems I missed last week, but hey, I started a new job so, ya know...

Conference season has begun!!

This is exciting for a number of reasons:

  • Anticipating WHO will be the BUM that loses to KANSAS
  • Looking forward to the inevitable “Texas is no longer back” game
  • OU mails it in during the wrong game (and that is usually Kansas State, so this could be a GREAT weekend)

Last week provided a good start. Texas Tech still has no defense but claimed to have one AFTER Texas scored 70 points, and TCU (who usually has a defense) did not take SMU’s offense seriously, but of course will take everyone else’s offense seriously (accept Kansas). Following much pre-season hype, Iowa State is treating its fans like rented mules and that’s just wonderful to see. OU fans went full Philly, booing Spencer Rattler and chanting “We want Caleb.” Glorious.

Let’s get down to business regarding a full slate of conference games and NONE OF THEM ARE ON ESPN+!

All games are Saturday, times are Eastern.

Texas at TCU (12pm on ABC)
Texas -5.0
O/U 65

Why does this feel SUPER weird?

The Shaghorns just thrashed Texas Tech and the Red Rashers offense looked more competent than TCU's, so what gives? Vegas has a habit of doing this and making money, so I'm running away from this one. Just feels too obvious to take Texas, lay the points, and take the over. It's almost as if those degenerate gambling folks know we are eager for Texas the shit down their pant leg, but I don't think it's this week. That being said we would all be happy to see this…

Oklahoma at Kansas State (3:30pm on FOX)
OU -10.5
O/U 52.5

The Sooners have made it a habit of stumbling against the Wildcats, as they currently own a two-game losing streak to KState, and have not looked very potent offensively to this point in the season. Even still, Coach Kleiman is down to his eighth string QB (it feels like) and their offense could only muster one TD against OSU last week, so I would expect OU's defense to handle this task as the Sooner offense tries to fend off "THE BACKUP IS GOD" crowd back in Norman. I'll take the Gooners to cover and the under.

Texas Tech at West Virginia (3:30pm on ESPN2)
WV -7.5
O/U 55.5

No way the Mountaineers cover 7.5 points, and if Tech's defense can give up 70 to Texas they can definitely give up 30 to West Virginia. I'm going with the Red Raiders to win and the over.

Kansas at Iowa State (7pm on FS1)
Iowa State -34.0
O/U 56.5

This should be on ESPN+…

I'll take Kansas to cover and the under.

Baylor at Oklahoma State (7pm on ESPN2)
OSU -3.5
O/U 47.5

Minus the special teams and defensive touchdowns last week, the Cowboys and Wildcats wouldn't have even been in the same universe as the O/U. For you knuckleheads out there that means the O/U would need to be under 40 for me to even THINK about going that way. It's not and I'm not. Despite Jacob Ingall's day drinking problem ("Oklahoma state puts up 42 on Baylor on Saturday. Book it.") and Ian Nikkel's obvious challenge to Squinky ("OSU Football only breaks hearts late into the season, this is the part where they build up hope…I have OSU winning 34-24"), this will likely be another defensive quagmire that has us all up in arms and anxiety-ridden in the 4th quarter. I will continue my tradition of picking against the Cowboys and you already know how I feel about the O/U. Also, F Baylor.

The bizarre thing to consider here is that ONE of these teams is going to be 5-0 after Saturday night…