Here we are, stumbling from Halloween to November, already lamenting the early onset of Christmas stuff, awaiting another ridiculous CFP ranking, thinking to ourselves “How could this get any worse?”
Then, out of nowhere, an “angel” appears...
I'm hearing a repot from a credible source that Texas Longhorns Special Teams Coach Jeff Banks' monkey allegedly attacked and seriously hurt a young Trick-or-Treater last night on Halloween.— Tom Campbell (@thomasgcampbell) November 1, 2021
The monkey's jaws apparently had to be pried off the small child.
What happened next, without question, will go down as one of the greatest Twitter experiences in the history of mankind, and resulted in me getting kicked out of bed and subsequently yelled at while unsuccessfully trying to remain calm on the couch in the living room. I can’t do it justice here, just search Twitter for “monkey Texas” and you shall be rewarded.
This past weekend turned out to be quite a gold mine for those scratching off spots on their college football bingo cards.
- Oklahoma continues to be the only team in the Big 12 that was held scoreless by Kansas in the first half;
- Iowa State, after ruining OSU’s perfect season, travels to a “stupid state” and loses to the “dumb Mountain People;”
- Gary Patterson bids farewell to TCU mid-season
- Texas football makes news when monkey bites kid
As we enter the stretch run of Big 12 play, every single weekend brings at least one game of extreme importance, none of them involving Kansas (despite what OU did). The Sooners and Cowboys are the only teams right now that control their own destiny, but that shit changes every week so hold on to your hats. Oklahoma and Yosemite Sam have bye weeks.
Let’s get into the games before I decide to start listing the monkey-related Twitter threads...
Kansas State at Kansas (12pm ET on FS1)
We watch to see if the streak continues...
Imagine if OU gets held out of the CFP because they were the only Big 12 team that failed to score points in the first half against Kansas.
#12 Baylor at TCU (3:30pm ET on FOX)
This is another strange line. Baylor has looked really good outside of the loss to Oklahoma State and provided another embarrassing comeback loss to Texas. Combine that with the astonishing departure of Gary Patterson and this would seem to have the makings of a Baylor blowout. I'm leaning towards Baylor and the under, AND, as always, this is for you Bears...
Texas at Iowa State (7:30pm ET on FS1)
Iowa St -6.5
Are you kidding me? The Bloody Mustard Whirly Birds kicked off as seven point favs against OSU in Ames, but are only -6.5 against a Texas team with zero defense and a proclivity for losing big leads? After the horrible loss in Morgantown, they can't afford to drop any more games and stay in the Big 12 Bullshit Rematch race. Besides, how do you maintain any order on the Longhorn sidelines with players yelling at Sark and the special teams coach's stripper wife's monkey in the news?
I'm taking Iowa State and the under, but hey, wouldn't hurt my feelings if Pole Assassin showed up and turned her monkey loose in the Cyclones' locker room before the game.
#11 Oklahoma State at West Virginia (3:30pm ET on ESPN)
And all of Cowboy Nation collectively holds their breath, waiting to see if last week's offensive explosion vs Kansas was an indication of things to come, or just a big blip.
OSU needs to keep winning, and even then may not avoid a situation where Bedlam will be for a spot in the Big 12 Bullshit Rematch. Oklahoma State should be awake for this after seeing the Mountain People send the Hayseeds back to Ames with an "L." I would stay away from the line, but that O/U is ripe for the taking, under all the way. Remember, it's OSU and they are playing an actual team, not Kansas. I'll see everyone on Twitter in the 2nd half as I have to coach my son's soccer team.